aaj kal mere khaane mein namak nahin hota...toh tooth paste mein kaise hoga?!
hello hello
I had solemnly sworn to myself that i would blog only after i reached my goal of losing 20kgs.
So me blogging today barely a month after i made that promise to myself, could only mean 2 things.
(1) is that i'm 20 kgs lighter in like 35 days or (2) that i broke that promise.
(1) would be a world record of sorts and i'm more like a regular kinda guy so ya it's (2).
But i have lost like 2 kilos.
ek woh din tha ... aur ek aaj ka din hai...................dono same same hain!
so today my body weighs x-2, but my head weighs 2x. The reason is obvious.
i have'nt had any outlet for my numerous ideas and thoughts....
what?
oh ya i have to follow that up with an idea or a thought. But now i can't.
why? you ask....well cos now i've built it up too much. So i don't wanna risk sounding stupid.
after watching Avatar , i was obviously very impressed with the visuals etc,
it was film making at it's very best.... but i had a question......
why were there no Fat folk on Pandora? I mean they had men,women, children just like our planet, but why was'nt anyone Fat? are'nt there any fatty fruits in Pandora's lush green forests? or is the metabolic rate of all na'vis really good? this is blatant discrimination against the obese!
it would've been cool to see some fat na'vis run on trees or hop onto a bird to take flight! oh well...
But if you have'nt had a chance to watch it yet, please do and make sure you go for the 3D version.
it's pretty cool,except that by the end of 160 mins I had a splitting headache. But it was definitely worth it.
Speaking of 3D movies...howcome no one has ever attempted to make 3D porn? That would be totally awesome! uh my head is exploding with the possibilities.....................is there anybody out there? can anybody hear me??
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Be Right Back! (hopefully!)
Ho Ho Ho!
eh don't get me wrong i ain't suggesting that you re a Ho, babe....i'm just trying to do the Santa talk!
and by Santa i mean Mr. Claus, not the sardar on mtv.
see the thing is i have woken up to the ugly truth of my paunch going to town!
anyho's .... I want to mark this day on this space right here to make a declaration to myself...that the next time i blog will be the day when things are under A control. I mean the day my tummy will tuck i will come here and do the bak bak.....in other words jab tak rahega mera pet, yeh blog hoga thoda late!
Inconvenience is regretted But work is in fact now in progress! (written just after a meal of steamed lady finger and salad)
So i wanna send a shout out to all ma ugly fat brothers out there! Let's show em how it's done!
Losing weight can also be fun.....we ll have the chai without the bun....enjoy the thought of biryani over a run....etc.
(the good part is that in all probability by the time i return the promos of Radio will be off air and so will the movie. the deep irritation that the rushes of the said movie stirs within me is quite intense. in fact i can't even pin point as to what triggers off the irritation. All i can say is that it's complicated! (yuk)
eh don't get me wrong i ain't suggesting that you re a Ho, babe....i'm just trying to do the Santa talk!
and by Santa i mean Mr. Claus, not the sardar on mtv.
see the thing is i have woken up to the ugly truth of my paunch going to town!
anyho's .... I want to mark this day on this space right here to make a declaration to myself...that the next time i blog will be the day when things are under A control. I mean the day my tummy will tuck i will come here and do the bak bak.....in other words jab tak rahega mera pet, yeh blog hoga thoda late!
Inconvenience is regretted But work is in fact now in progress! (written just after a meal of steamed lady finger and salad)
So i wanna send a shout out to all ma ugly fat brothers out there! Let's show em how it's done!
Losing weight can also be fun.....we ll have the chai without the bun....enjoy the thought of biryani over a run....etc.
(the good part is that in all probability by the time i return the promos of Radio will be off air and so will the movie. the deep irritation that the rushes of the said movie stirs within me is quite intense. in fact i can't even pin point as to what triggers off the irritation. All i can say is that it's complicated! (yuk)
Friday, November 13, 2009
magar tumhare baalon ko sahi poshan kaise milega?
i'm 32. married. no kids. healthy apetite. good bowel movement. decent looking. socially acceptable. occasional gas problem. sleep well. don't sleep around. like food. over eat most of the times. passionate about all of the above ( except the gas ofcourse).
there i've given you a fair idea of me as a person. i should have a lotta friends right?
well i don't!
i mean i do have like 4 really good friends. maybe 5. or 7.
(yes you were an after thought. ) (but you were there in my list!) (you really should'nt be feeling happy about making it to this list.....even indion idol rejects have a shot at being my friends) (or the cast and crew of uttaran!)
but you know like these are my friends since the days when they din't have much of a choice but to befriend me. like in school and stuff where you feel lost if you don't have anyone to hang around with. it's like a place where 2 losers seek each other out , almost naturally.
moving on.....
my stomach is taking on shapes that i never thought were possible! just when i feel like this is the maximum it can expand given my food and beverage intake...it surprises me. now it's not only rounded it's taken on a ellipse ish kind of shape. it's nice as a bean bag for pups but really gets in the way of looking hot and smashing. The only thing that i'm smashin nowadays are pumpkins that i accidently step on!
(that was a joke)
get it?(smashing pumpkins) (the band?) (duh..)
The rate at which my shirt buttons pop out when i sit cud easily qualify me as the next king of pop!
i just realised that at the end of this post you might think of me as a fat friendless guy?????
NAHINNNNNNN
Don't read too much into this blog post ...i'm not writing to sell myself as a good and decent human being to be friends with, nor am i complaing about my sudden inexplicable weight gain.....i'm just killing time. And you. with soft movements of my fingers.
(another joke)
get it? ( as in killing you softly, with ma fingers)hahahahaha (2nd time duh..)
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Charan ...you are so talented..why don't you do something with your life?
But what can i do? ppl don't take me seriously.
why is that so?
I guess coz i come across as a spoilt lazy bum.
is that true?
well i am a lil spoilt...and quite lazy. But i'm definitely not a bum!
would you agree that you waste a lotta time?
No. Never!
ha ha ha ha.....can i solve any of your problems?
not really...
why the f$#k you talking to me then! Go do some work!
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PROVERB
Home is where the heart is......or so they say.
well according to me home is where you can scratch exactly where it itches & fart without looking around!
HENCE
for me home to me is where the fart is!
Eno anyone?
there i've given you a fair idea of me as a person. i should have a lotta friends right?
well i don't!
i mean i do have like 4 really good friends. maybe 5. or 7.
(yes you were an after thought. ) (but you were there in my list!) (you really should'nt be feeling happy about making it to this list.....even indion idol rejects have a shot at being my friends) (or the cast and crew of uttaran!)
but you know like these are my friends since the days when they din't have much of a choice but to befriend me. like in school and stuff where you feel lost if you don't have anyone to hang around with. it's like a place where 2 losers seek each other out , almost naturally.
moving on.....
my stomach is taking on shapes that i never thought were possible! just when i feel like this is the maximum it can expand given my food and beverage intake...it surprises me. now it's not only rounded it's taken on a ellipse ish kind of shape. it's nice as a bean bag for pups but really gets in the way of looking hot and smashing. The only thing that i'm smashin nowadays are pumpkins that i accidently step on!
(that was a joke)
get it?(smashing pumpkins) (the band?) (duh..)
The rate at which my shirt buttons pop out when i sit cud easily qualify me as the next king of pop!
i just realised that at the end of this post you might think of me as a fat friendless guy?????
NAHINNNNNNN
Don't read too much into this blog post ...i'm not writing to sell myself as a good and decent human being to be friends with, nor am i complaing about my sudden inexplicable weight gain.....i'm just killing time. And you. with soft movements of my fingers.
(another joke)
get it? ( as in killing you softly, with ma fingers)hahahahaha (2nd time duh..)
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PROVERB
Home is where the heart is......or so they say.
well according to me home is where you can scratch exactly where it itches & fart without looking around!
HENCE
for me home to me is where the fart is!
Eno anyone?
Monday, November 9, 2009
ajab charan ki gajab kahani...thodi nayee aur kafee purani
Every single woman at some point in the Spring of her physical youth sighs and says "all the good men are either married or gay!"
well it's true....We Are...(PS i'm married...not gay) (not that i'm prejudiced or anything just clarifying cos can't send out the wrong message to all my female fans ) (i'm totally into women) (by women i meant my wife) (ya right) (he he) (i din't mean that) (ouch) (long pause)
Speaking of Gay....does enjoying an occasional afternoon's episode of ellen degeneres (artist formerly known as Oprah) border on being Gay? Not that i'm speaking of myself you know it's just for the benefit of those men who do prefer to mix it up a bit. switching between the latest action flick and an afternoon chat show with Dolly Parton as the main guest..(how the hell does she not have a back problem carrying two 1 litre jugs full of silicon milk around !?!)
Anyways it's been a while that i've written ...not that anyone cares or notices but in my head i like to feel like i have an audience. Helps keeping it Real.
Speaking of real...i saw Ajab Gajab last nite...and it was a real lame and dated attempt at comedy.it felt like the director was trying to regain his lost glory of andaz apna apna days.esp since that movie din't do well at the time but went on to be more famous afterwards. It made me wonder when was the last time i saw a good hindi comedy....??? anyone? i could'nt think of even one in the last couple of years! which is shocking, and a lil upsetting almost. What does a director need to hold the audience's attention for just two and a half hours? Why do they always lose the plot? Do they actually watch a movie as a whole in one sitting after making it? or is it just about getting the buzz going , selecting good locations, having good music and creating some scandal to promote the film? i think the economics over rule the content here. Which is sad. cos films are supposed to be a creative enterprise before an economic one. I'm not denying the importance of the latter as long as it remains the second most important aspect of making a film.
charry on recommends watching the promos of the film rather than the entire film...cos the best scenes are all shown in the trailers. There i saved you a lotta time and money. now you owe me a drink for every movie you decide not to watch.
well it's true....We Are...(PS i'm married...not gay) (not that i'm prejudiced or anything just clarifying cos can't send out the wrong message to all my female fans ) (i'm totally into women) (by women i meant my wife) (ya right) (he he) (i din't mean that) (ouch) (long pause)
Speaking of Gay....does enjoying an occasional afternoon's episode of ellen degeneres (artist formerly known as Oprah) border on being Gay? Not that i'm speaking of myself you know it's just for the benefit of those men who do prefer to mix it up a bit. switching between the latest action flick and an afternoon chat show with Dolly Parton as the main guest..(how the hell does she not have a back problem carrying two 1 litre jugs full of silicon milk around !?!)
Anyways it's been a while that i've written ...not that anyone cares or notices but in my head i like to feel like i have an audience. Helps keeping it Real.
Speaking of real...i saw Ajab Gajab last nite...and it was a real lame and dated attempt at comedy.it felt like the director was trying to regain his lost glory of andaz apna apna days.esp since that movie din't do well at the time but went on to be more famous afterwards. It made me wonder when was the last time i saw a good hindi comedy....??? anyone? i could'nt think of even one in the last couple of years! which is shocking, and a lil upsetting almost. What does a director need to hold the audience's attention for just two and a half hours? Why do they always lose the plot? Do they actually watch a movie as a whole in one sitting after making it? or is it just about getting the buzz going , selecting good locations, having good music and creating some scandal to promote the film? i think the economics over rule the content here. Which is sad. cos films are supposed to be a creative enterprise before an economic one. I'm not denying the importance of the latter as long as it remains the second most important aspect of making a film.
charry on recommends watching the promos of the film rather than the entire film...cos the best scenes are all shown in the trailers. There i saved you a lotta time and money. now you owe me a drink for every movie you decide not to watch.
Monday, October 5, 2009
No sweat.
Don't you just hate statements that sound all philosophical and deep, but still don't impart any real wisdom or knowledge that you can use? like for example we've all heard lines like <<<The unrest which keeps the never-stopping clock metaphysics going is the thought that the non-existence of this world is just as possible as its existence.>>>
No?
anyways my predicament is quite the opposite of that. I had another one of my pointless wonderings recently that may sound lame but are indeed ....quite deep.
<<Why do we need BO??>>
I mean everything in life has a purpose, a reason for being.....except BO! Whenever you do anything nice for your body like exercising or walking you start to sweat. There's no escaping from it. That's just the way a human body was designed. YOU MOVE....YOU STINK! Why can't Nature be more supportive? I mean what would it be like if that were the case...if sweat actually smelt good? That way things would be a lot simpler don't ya think? Then instead of putting your laundry in a bag , you could put it in a vase....you could go out and buy some odourisers for a change, or maybe hang a sock on the rear view mirror of your car.....and on a really special nite maybe you could have a lil underwear sticking out of your shirt pocket...just to let her know you care!!
No?
anyways my predicament is quite the opposite of that. I had another one of my pointless wonderings recently that may sound lame but are indeed ....quite deep.
<<Why do we need BO??
I mean everything in life has a purpose, a reason for being.....except BO! Whenever you do anything nice for your body like exercising or walking you start to sweat. There's no escaping from it. That's just the way a human body was designed. YOU MOVE....YOU STINK! Why can't Nature be more supportive? I mean what would it be like if that were the case...if sweat actually smelt good? That way things would be a lot simpler don't ya think? Then instead of putting your laundry in a bag , you could put it in a vase....you could go out and buy some odourisers for a change, or maybe hang a sock on the rear view mirror of your car.....and on a really special nite maybe you could have a lil underwear sticking out of your shirt pocket...just to let her know you care!!
Saturday, September 12, 2009
u wanna know what's Victoria's secret?
Normally the disclaimers are at the end of any article...why is that so? Isn't it like saying something that might be offensive but going ahead and saying it anyway just cos you can add 2 lines at the end saying that it's not supposed to rub someone the wrong way?
it's like i can shit in your hat,but you can't sue me cos i will claim that i just tried to make it fit your head better!
so now i'm gonna shake things up a bit here.....the order will now be reversed....forever..forever(echoes)
THE DISCLAIMER
i am not a sexist/classist/racist/m.c.p or belong to any cult. i would like to think of myself as a person who deeply respects women and loves them (in all shapes and sizes.) i would never objectify them or treat them as sex objects and they're definitely not the weaker sex in my opinion.They are smarter better looking and have a more balanced understanding of situations than men and most animals.
okay having said all that i am free....freee to say what i want without offending my (female only )readers.
what is it with men and boobs? what is it that makes all the faculties of a man go all fuzzy when faced with a pair of great tits?why do we remember speed boats when looking at a deep cleavage?why do the lyrics of a popular song go as"everybody needs a bosom for a pillow"?
they say staring at breasts can actually add years to a man's life!
i can't think of a single male body part that can add anything to anyone's life...we have no magical body parts(except one). Thats it. and the only magical power that it has is to double up as a brain when erotically charged. and it does do tricks for few very special people only.
but boobs, they have a more universal appeal. You can become really famous if you own a pair of good looking jugs! like a movie star or a pop icon...you don't even need acting skills or a good voice you just need the right bra!
men on the other hand have to atleast own a Harley to be famous.(locally)
i guess i'll never really figure out a man's boob fixation....and what can't be fought must be endured. (deep sigh) so i guess i'll go now and to all the men out there there's only one thing i'd like to say............."all the breast my friend!"
it's like i can shit in your hat,but you can't sue me cos i will claim that i just tried to make it fit your head better!
so now i'm gonna shake things up a bit here.....the order will now be reversed....forever..forever(echoes)
THE DISCLAIMER
i am not a sexist/classist/racist/m.c.p or belong to any cult. i would like to think of myself as a person who deeply respects women and loves them (in all shapes and sizes.) i would never objectify them or treat them as sex objects and they're definitely not the weaker sex in my opinion.They are smarter better looking and have a more balanced understanding of situations than men and most animals.
okay having said all that i am free....freee to say what i want without offending my (female only )readers.
what is it with men and boobs? what is it that makes all the faculties of a man go all fuzzy when faced with a pair of great tits?why do we remember speed boats when looking at a deep cleavage?why do the lyrics of a popular song go as"everybody needs a bosom for a pillow"?
they say staring at breasts can actually add years to a man's life!
i can't think of a single male body part that can add anything to anyone's life...we have no magical body parts(except one). Thats it. and the only magical power that it has is to double up as a brain when erotically charged. and it does do tricks for few very special people only.
but boobs, they have a more universal appeal. You can become really famous if you own a pair of good looking jugs! like a movie star or a pop icon...you don't even need acting skills or a good voice you just need the right bra!
men on the other hand have to atleast own a Harley to be famous.(locally)
i guess i'll never really figure out a man's boob fixation....and what can't be fought must be endured. (deep sigh) so i guess i'll go now and to all the men out there there's only one thing i'd like to say............."all the breast my friend!"
Thursday, September 10, 2009
my life is an open book....(or should we say Facebook?)
okay i have to confess...i have been logging on to facebook occasionally....(excessive screaming from the other end of the phone line)... Don't be mad at me please..i had a lotta free time in the past week...i was bored! (excessive screaming with a few swear words thrown in) ...I know that's not any justification for me to stoop to that level i know...But you gotta let me explain why i did that for...( click...engage tone).
(phone ringing) Hello?.....hello?!...ok you can't just ignore me, I am on the line and obviously you picked up the damn phone! (long pause) .... Okay here's the thing...There s all this hype about facebook that I had started feeling left out! there, I said it. Are you happy now? (still long pause)...Honey you gotta atleast talk to me...c'mon.....(mumbled voice)....No baby I've not changed! I still believe it sucks!
(no offence to avid facebookers....just trying to save my ass) (uh facebook rocks...it's totally cool man)
ENOUGH.....
Now coming to the reason as to why i log onto facebook nowadays is that i'm amazed at how bored and lonely people actually are! or just that they're getting paid too much to be doing too little..."company ka maal dariya mein daal!" types.
What's nerve-wracking is that everyone has something or the other they wanna share....in the name of status updates i've read some of the most bizarre lines!
Mansi Roy"the ugly truth"great movie.
Bhushan Singh doesn't like the idea of a working weekend.
Dharam Parikh had a blast last nite
Sapnna Patel is ready to go home from work wish today was saturday..
Anita Hassanandani Interesting things at work :) enjoying them thoroughly...new to learn....loads of fun....keeps me going...like they say....there is no age limit for learning new things!
Mehul Shah is going to Delhi for a day...
Kunal R S waiting at the airport and killing time on my blackberry...
(the names have been changed to protect their identities , but the updates are very real!)
So you see what i mean? if not then you're probably better off surfing the site where you can share with all your friends
and their friends
and friends of your friend's friends
and people who you may know cos they're friends of your friend's friend's dad
that "you .....feel like scratching your bum!"
(phone ringing) Hello?.....hello?!...ok you can't just ignore me, I am on the line and obviously you picked up the damn phone! (long pause) .... Okay here's the thing...There s all this hype about facebook that I had started feeling left out! there, I said it. Are you happy now? (still long pause)...Honey you gotta atleast talk to me...c'mon.....(mumbled voice)....No baby I've not changed! I still believe it sucks!
(no offence to avid facebookers....just trying to save my ass) (uh facebook rocks...it's totally cool man)
ENOUGH.....
Now coming to the reason as to why i log onto facebook nowadays is that i'm amazed at how bored and lonely people actually are! or just that they're getting paid too much to be doing too little..."company ka maal dariya mein daal!" types.
What's nerve-wracking is that everyone has something or the other they wanna share....in the name of status updates i've read some of the most bizarre lines!
Mansi Roy"the ugly truth"great movie.
Bhushan Singh doesn't like the idea of a working weekend.
Dharam Parikh had a blast last nite
Sapnna Patel is ready to go home from work wish today was saturday..
Anita Hassanandani Interesting things at work :) enjoying them thoroughly...new to learn....loads of fun....keeps me going...like they say....there is no age limit for learning new things!
Mehul Shah is going to Delhi for a day...
Kunal R S waiting at the airport and killing time on my blackberry...
(the names have been changed to protect their identities , but the updates are very real!)
So you see what i mean? if not then you're probably better off surfing the site where you can share with all your friends
and their friends
and friends of your friend's friends
and people who you may know cos they're friends of your friend's friend's dad
that "you .....feel like scratching your bum!"
Monday, August 31, 2009
THE SWINE FLU BUT THE MONTH CRAWLED...
The month began with me sliding my semi nude carcass from one pool to another at The Park Hyatt, Goa and has ended on a rather slow note of boredom. But that's life people...sometimes there is sunshine and sometimes there is rain. Although this year the rains were more anticipated than the release of Harry potter and the half blood prince.
One disappointed the other did not.
Speaking of semi nude sliding fun filled weekend in goa...i'm reminded of how good i look nowadays without my shirt on. Goa, like any other beach town, is the kind of place that demands nudity. So i went with the flow. when i used to walk out of the pool it looked like a slow motion scene from a low budget south indian remake of dhoom. Lets call that remake Bloom!
for those of you who do not know me...i'm cribbing about how Fat i have become. I'm so fat that now i have to use twice the amount of water and body wash to have the same amount of bath.
Speaking of Fat i'm compelled to warn all you holiday goers...do NOT opt for the "inclusive of all meals" option! In the name of all meals they throw you in front of 21 dishes set in a line, all of which start looking the same after 2 meals. After three meals you start feeling like Truman...just a little fatter than in the movie. You start over doing each meal. Don't blame yourself coz you're only Human Truman! Greed is a curse of mankind. I wanna have a cheese omelette with brown bread please.... then you peep into other people's plates and that's it. You wanna try the waffles and the pancake and the dosa or the idli and the doughnut and the milkshake and top it up with coffee or tea. You're sweating but goin at it meal after meal cos the voices in your head tell you "it's okay coz you're on vacation...i'll work out a lil extra after getting back...i have already spent all my money to include all meals in my package....if i do not eat then what the f#@k do i do...."
that's it my fried YOU HAVE BEEN BUFFETED (to be pronounced as buffayed)
Once you leave the hotel and are on your way to the airport in their free airport transer vehicle...you will look down and see your belly jiggle a lil extra...that's a holiday well spent!
favourite scene of the day - from the movie Evolution:
(scene:before removing alien insect from colon via the rectum patient yells at doc )
" There is always time for lubricant!"
(after: nurse asks patient if he wants anything)
"yes i'd like some ice cream"
nurse : " what flavour would you like?"
patient : "does'nt matter...it's for my ass!"
One disappointed the other did not.
Speaking of semi nude sliding fun filled weekend in goa...i'm reminded of how good i look nowadays without my shirt on. Goa, like any other beach town, is the kind of place that demands nudity. So i went with the flow. when i used to walk out of the pool it looked like a slow motion scene from a low budget south indian remake of dhoom. Lets call that remake Bloom!
for those of you who do not know me...i'm cribbing about how Fat i have become. I'm so fat that now i have to use twice the amount of water and body wash to have the same amount of bath.
Speaking of Fat i'm compelled to warn all you holiday goers...do NOT opt for the "inclusive of all meals" option! In the name of all meals they throw you in front of 21 dishes set in a line, all of which start looking the same after 2 meals. After three meals you start feeling like Truman...just a little fatter than in the movie. You start over doing each meal. Don't blame yourself coz you're only Human Truman! Greed is a curse of mankind. I wanna have a cheese omelette with brown bread please.... then you peep into other people's plates and that's it. You wanna try the waffles and the pancake and the dosa or the idli and the doughnut and the milkshake and top it up with coffee or tea. You're sweating but goin at it meal after meal cos the voices in your head tell you "it's okay coz you're on vacation...i'll work out a lil extra after getting back...i have already spent all my money to include all meals in my package....if i do not eat then what the f#@k do i do...."
that's it my fried YOU HAVE BEEN BUFFETED (to be pronounced as buffayed)
Once you leave the hotel and are on your way to the airport in their free airport transer vehicle...you will look down and see your belly jiggle a lil extra...that's a holiday well spent!
favourite scene of the day - from the movie Evolution:
(scene:before removing alien insect from colon via the rectum patient yells at doc )
" There is always time for lubricant!"
(after: nurse asks patient if he wants anything)
"yes i'd like some ice cream"
nurse : " what flavour would you like?"
patient : "does'nt matter...it's for my ass!"
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
practical pratigya?!?!
after Jab We Met there would be a Love Aaj Kal.......... aisa Socha Na Tha!
yes 2 out of these 3 movies were awesome!but what happened to the 3rd installment?
anyways... lets give Imti another chance. everyone is allowed one mistake.
lets hope for his sake that his next movie does'nt leave you feeling imti inside!
yes 2 out of these 3 movies were awesome!but what happened to the 3rd installment?
anyways... lets give Imti another chance. everyone is allowed one mistake.
lets hope for his sake that his next movie does'nt leave you feeling imti inside!
Monday, July 27, 2009
for my darling wife :)
bolo bolo kuchh toh bolo
jaldi jaldi apna bag kholo
bebo ki behen ka naam hai lolo
mujhe mil gaya hai mera POLO!
jaldi jaldi apna bag kholo
bebo ki behen ka naam hai lolo
mujhe mil gaya hai mera POLO!
Pawan Muktasan
serves me right ...i taunted u guys about farting and thats all ive been doing since last night!
i have a slight guthy renker in my stomach. but thanks to my yoga , ab aisa nahin hoga.
i would also like to thank my dear friens mr. lomo til and mr p. hara for being with me in my time of duress.
so now that i have dealt with my gaseous state of affairs i would like to ask u some questions. they're not as much as questions as they are pointless wonderings...
"aur phir gaadi hawaa se baatein karne lagi"
kya baatein ?
"ye geedar bhabkeeyaan kissi aur ko dena!"
who geedar and what the F#$K is bhabkee??
"main aapka shukriya ada karna chahta hoon"
will that translate as i would like to be thankful to you in Half?!?
Recently i realised that people had stopped recognizing bizzare when they saw it.
while walking out of one of the movies i watched recently i glanced upon a poster of an upcoming film called kissan or something and it showed two male protagonists , one dressed as a kissan and the other as a cowboy. what was bizzare about this ? the line above the kissan read " son of the soil" and the one above the cowboy said " son of a gun!"
and ppl walked past it without recognizing the bizzare!
will i go for this movie you ask me? to be honest i'd rather watch Guthy.
i have a slight guthy renker in my stomach. but thanks to my yoga , ab aisa nahin hoga.
i would also like to thank my dear friens mr. lomo til and mr p. hara for being with me in my time of duress.
so now that i have dealt with my gaseous state of affairs i would like to ask u some questions. they're not as much as questions as they are pointless wonderings...
"aur phir gaadi hawaa se baatein karne lagi"
kya baatein ?
"ye geedar bhabkeeyaan kissi aur ko dena!"
who geedar and what the F#$K is bhabkee??
"main aapka shukriya ada karna chahta hoon"
will that translate as i would like to be thankful to you in Half?!?
Recently i realised that people had stopped recognizing bizzare when they saw it.
while walking out of one of the movies i watched recently i glanced upon a poster of an upcoming film called kissan or something and it showed two male protagonists , one dressed as a kissan and the other as a cowboy. what was bizzare about this ? the line above the kissan read " son of the soil" and the one above the cowboy said " son of a gun!"
and ppl walked past it without recognizing the bizzare!
will i go for this movie you ask me? to be honest i'd rather watch Guthy.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Charry On for better softer and younger looking skin!
this page has been set in such a way that the latest article appears first ... hence this piece has been written after the one appearing below this. This is set in such a way for you ppl. cos i know u are a bunch of no good lazy arses that won't even shift your bum to let out a fart. although i find that really helps. unless the chair your bum is sitting on has holes ofcourse. like the cane chairs. if the chair cane then u can.
the reason i said all this is cos i just wanted to add to the topic written about here belows.
there is a show on some channels that is a similar format tele shopping thing. but wat fascinates me is the name of this show. it not only fascinates me but moves me. it affects parts of my brain. i get this overwhelming urge to take my arm and shove it inside the set top box and destroy it forever. it's called Guthy Renker!
yuk.
anyways, yesterday due to strong suicidal tendancies i watched it and was amazed at what they were trying to sell. they were trying to sell a foot spa thing that would remove toxins from your body through your feet and help improve your dancing!
please do not be amazed just yet...it also helps improve your relationship with your spouse and helps you be a better parent!
all this by soaking your feet in water in this home foot spa !
i better stop talking about this cos, if you like this shit on tv , then i fear the only place my foot will be spa-ing will be in my mouth!
the reason i said all this is cos i just wanted to add to the topic written about here belows.
there is a show on some channels that is a similar format tele shopping thing. but wat fascinates me is the name of this show. it not only fascinates me but moves me. it affects parts of my brain. i get this overwhelming urge to take my arm and shove it inside the set top box and destroy it forever. it's called Guthy Renker!
yuk.
anyways, yesterday due to strong suicidal tendancies i watched it and was amazed at what they were trying to sell. they were trying to sell a foot spa thing that would remove toxins from your body through your feet and help improve your dancing!
please do not be amazed just yet...it also helps improve your relationship with your spouse and helps you be a better parent!
all this by soaking your feet in water in this home foot spa !
i better stop talking about this cos, if you like this shit on tv , then i fear the only place my foot will be spa-ing will be in my mouth!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
reality bites!
on a normal day by the time i get home, and am done with dinner i have little "energy/ enthusiasm/or will" left....to do anything. ( don't worry i'm not writing to ask for some magic rudraksh that can energise and rejeuvenate my lifestyle like you see on home shopping ) hence it's understandable for most of you (except few of my crazed female fans) that i write very rarely nowadays.
"But then what prompted you to write today?" asked mrs. malhotra with a quizzical expression on her face and a tiny smile trying to escape from below her hair lined lips, quivering with an unending desire to fornicate with my fingers right there in front of the judge.
Nahin Mee Lard! (read- no! my Lord)
sorry..i strayed away.
haan so i was saying that i was flipping channels today and suddenly i could not take it anymore. the ever dwindling standards of television programming on our national network is beyond apalling! it's afalling it's abawling !
in the name of reality shows they have the ugliness of the world in all shapes and sizes covered in all the colours possible with noises blaring out of them and their background enough to make a turd twist in disgust!
ok for our more sensitive readers i apologise for the graphic nature of this article.
there are people who are willing to come on tv and make such complete asses of themselves...and for what? a prize of 10 thousand rupees and a few seconds on air?
so basically i'm either watching tv in it's lowest form in the name of reality tv or regressive looking / sounding soaps or channels that are trying to sell you stuff!
which by the way is amazing.
they're all trying to sell you products that can change your life! by either melting your fat on the side of your tummy or changing your luck by wearing a pendant or even helping you get rid of your hunched back....all from the comfort of your home! to validate these products they have firangs speaking with desi voice overs which is so well done that it could fool anyone into believing that these people have actually tried them!
So what are you waiting for ? take that remote and click your life away!
Ps: on a hindi news channel the other day i saw, that the fish that's in your kitchen could have dynamite in it! no points for guessing the name of the channel.
"But then what prompted you to write today?" asked mrs. malhotra with a quizzical expression on her face and a tiny smile trying to escape from below her hair lined lips, quivering with an unending desire to fornicate with my fingers right there in front of the judge.
Nahin Mee Lard! (read- no! my Lord)
sorry..i strayed away.
haan so i was saying that i was flipping channels today and suddenly i could not take it anymore. the ever dwindling standards of television programming on our national network is beyond apalling! it's afalling it's abawling !
in the name of reality shows they have the ugliness of the world in all shapes and sizes covered in all the colours possible with noises blaring out of them and their background enough to make a turd twist in disgust!
ok for our more sensitive readers i apologise for the graphic nature of this article.
there are people who are willing to come on tv and make such complete asses of themselves...and for what? a prize of 10 thousand rupees and a few seconds on air?
so basically i'm either watching tv in it's lowest form in the name of reality tv or regressive looking / sounding soaps or channels that are trying to sell you stuff!
which by the way is amazing.
they're all trying to sell you products that can change your life! by either melting your fat on the side of your tummy or changing your luck by wearing a pendant or even helping you get rid of your hunched back....all from the comfort of your home! to validate these products they have firangs speaking with desi voice overs which is so well done that it could fool anyone into believing that these people have actually tried them!
So what are you waiting for ? take that remote and click your life away!
Ps: on a hindi news channel the other day i saw, that the fish that's in your kitchen could have dynamite in it! no points for guessing the name of the channel.
Monday, June 15, 2009
salaam wal ay kum
habibi...........kya haal hai. hum abhi dubai se aya...tum khush hone ka aur gaana gaane ka...dubai se aya mera dost ..toh dost ko salaam karo! tum humko salaam kar sakta hai par hum Dubai ka shaikh ko salaam karta hai!
well having been there for the 1st time i am pretty impressed....being one of the most central locations on the globe it deserves all the acclaim for being an ideal city for the world travellers ( i hope i'm not goofing up on the geography part cos hey who am i fooling it is'nt one of my strenths...my grammer is a littel week too). i'm kidding you turdface!
i was impressed by their buildings,their cars, their systems ..but most of all i was impressed by their unrelenting desire to be the best. The burj is apparantly one of the tallest residential towers in the world standing at 175 odd storeys! And here's the best part...the height can be increased at any time! Hence they would continue to be the tallest tower even if anyone else decided to go taller!
Coming back to the part it was my first visit...i felt like a bihari babu in the city for the first time. i actually could'nt resist posing next to cars that were'nt mine! And trust me I would NEVER do anything like that unless my mouth actually opened a wee bit.
speaking of my mouth....it did open a lot on this trip...well it normally did so in front of a Hardy's beef burger or a Marble slab ice cream place or a pair of very pretty legs on a Chanel saleswoman person. I think it opened so much that my wife will make sure that it does'nt do so for a while.
Speaking of my wife....she deserves an award ...like something a little higher than a Bafta and a little under a Padmashri in terms of prestige value. The award will be to acknowledge her generous soul and unending patience while looking after a retard on the loose!
The retard in question is Your's Truly. and the patience and generosity shown were worth a mention on this exclusive space cos i'm a horrible person to shop for or with!
enough said!
speaking of enough.....i don't think that the number of cars or watches you own can ever be enough especially in a place like Dubai. cos the sales people at malls wear Rolex s and every third person drives a 2 door convertible.
in fact even the crows out there are conscious of how they move. They wear Rolexs too, except they prefer to call it Crolex...hahaha
To conclude the city is crazy and living there can really get addictive!
But now i'm back...from out of space...but I will survive. (background music)
al-rite then.
!retal sklof uoy ees ll'i
(last line to be read backwards you dimwit!)
enough said.
well having been there for the 1st time i am pretty impressed....being one of the most central locations on the globe it deserves all the acclaim for being an ideal city for the world travellers ( i hope i'm not goofing up on the geography part cos hey who am i fooling it is'nt one of my strenths...my grammer is a littel week too). i'm kidding you turdface!
i was impressed by their buildings,their cars, their systems ..but most of all i was impressed by their unrelenting desire to be the best. The burj is apparantly one of the tallest residential towers in the world standing at 175 odd storeys! And here's the best part...the height can be increased at any time! Hence they would continue to be the tallest tower even if anyone else decided to go taller!
Coming back to the part it was my first visit...i felt like a bihari babu in the city for the first time. i actually could'nt resist posing next to cars that were'nt mine! And trust me I would NEVER do anything like that unless my mouth actually opened a wee bit.
speaking of my mouth....it did open a lot on this trip...well it normally did so in front of a Hardy's beef burger or a Marble slab ice cream place or a pair of very pretty legs on a Chanel saleswoman person. I think it opened so much that my wife will make sure that it does'nt do so for a while.
Speaking of my wife....she deserves an award ...like something a little higher than a Bafta and a little under a Padmashri in terms of prestige value. The award will be to acknowledge her generous soul and unending patience while looking after a retard on the loose!
The retard in question is Your's Truly. and the patience and generosity shown were worth a mention on this exclusive space cos i'm a horrible person to shop for or with!
enough said!
speaking of enough.....i don't think that the number of cars or watches you own can ever be enough especially in a place like Dubai. cos the sales people at malls wear Rolex s and every third person drives a 2 door convertible.
in fact even the crows out there are conscious of how they move. They wear Rolexs too, except they prefer to call it Crolex...hahaha
To conclude the city is crazy and living there can really get addictive!
But now i'm back...from out of space...but I will survive. (background music)
al-rite then.
!retal sklof uoy ees ll'i
(last line to be read backwards you dimwit!)
enough said.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
EXIT TO LONAVLA 1000 METERS.
I feel that in life we use the words love and hate too frivolously...don't ya think?
oooo i lovve those donuts...or i hate vidya balan...or i love your hair cut...or i hate this movie....etc
these are intense emotions my friend....one must use their discretion while using them.
One must use them where it really is required...like how i'm about to use it.
I lovve the idea of taking off for the weekend but I Hate the option of driving down to Lonavla!
ya...you heard me. I know that most of you have strong attachments to that place, especially coz as kids all of us have been fooled by our parents at one point or another that they're taking us on a holiday ...while all they were doing was taking us to a glorified pit stop...with chikkis as their greatest tourist attraction.
I strongly feel that Lonavla and it's maternal cousin Khandala are taking themselves a bit too seriously..they have misunderstood us Bombayites (now known as Mumbaikars ...which i personally feel sounds like the name of your part time maid). We have always been kind to them. Like while on our trips, to more important places , we always stopped by at lonavla's or Khandala's to take a leak or have a cup of coffee or something. It was our way of saying hello and being nice to a bathroom attendent. you know like when you ask your domestic help about their well being. but you don't want them to act all pricey the next time just cos you were being nice! that's exactly what's happened .... LONAVLA HAS DEVELOPED AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM!!!
What bothers me about all this is that it's barely a station....it's a stopover between two places! It is on a slight bump , but certainly does not qualify to be called a Hill station!
All the money that we've been giving these two bumps on the topography of Maharashtra , as tips, you know for using their rest rooms and shit, has gone to their head! They believe they have their own little economy that is not a part of our National economy.
Accomodation in lonavla could put you back by a cool 22,ooo/- for a room!
My question is "why the Fuck would i pay 20k to spend a night in the bathroom!?!?"
I wish i could get Mt. Fiji to come and kick lonavla in it's nuts!
oooo i lovve those donuts...or i hate vidya balan...or i love your hair cut...or i hate this movie....etc
these are intense emotions my friend....one must use their discretion while using them.
One must use them where it really is required...like how i'm about to use it.
I lovve the idea of taking off for the weekend but I Hate the option of driving down to Lonavla!
ya...you heard me. I know that most of you have strong attachments to that place, especially coz as kids all of us have been fooled by our parents at one point or another that they're taking us on a holiday ...while all they were doing was taking us to a glorified pit stop...with chikkis as their greatest tourist attraction.
I strongly feel that Lonavla and it's maternal cousin Khandala are taking themselves a bit too seriously..they have misunderstood us Bombayites (now known as Mumbaikars ...which i personally feel sounds like the name of your part time maid). We have always been kind to them. Like while on our trips, to more important places , we always stopped by at lonavla's or Khandala's to take a leak or have a cup of coffee or something. It was our way of saying hello and being nice to a bathroom attendent. you know like when you ask your domestic help about their well being. but you don't want them to act all pricey the next time just cos you were being nice! that's exactly what's happened .... LONAVLA HAS DEVELOPED AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM!!!
What bothers me about all this is that it's barely a station....it's a stopover between two places! It is on a slight bump , but certainly does not qualify to be called a Hill station!
All the money that we've been giving these two bumps on the topography of Maharashtra , as tips, you know for using their rest rooms and shit, has gone to their head! They believe they have their own little economy that is not a part of our National economy.
Accomodation in lonavla could put you back by a cool 22,ooo/- for a room!
My question is "why the Fuck would i pay 20k to spend a night in the bathroom!?!?"
I wish i could get Mt. Fiji to come and kick lonavla in it's nuts!
i'd rather put in an extra 6k and fly my ass down to Goa! atleast i can treat myself to a vacation in a place that extends beyond 10 kms in length , and has sunny beaches rather than walnut fudge as their tourist attraction!
Well i'm sure Time will teach those two retarded cousins a lesson. Until then i ain't peeing in lonavla for a long time!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Shoe be doo be doo!
so what's new ppl? how are you'll hangin'? and more importantly why are you'll hangin'? well whatever floats your boat. (i never get these phrases...well if it ain't water that's floating Your boat , then you got some serious problems my friend!)
Moving on...so have you'll been getting your daily dose of da news nowadays? well if not then i bet you're missing out buddy. It's more fun than it has ever been! the morning newspaper is a testament of how everyone seems to be losing "it". By "it" I do not mean their virginity (although I wish that was the case) I mean their sanity!
But still Shoe makers have never had it better! Their creations are the buzz word in the present highly charged political scenario.
Shoes are flying all over the place! Maybe shoe manufacturers ought to come out with a special line of shoes......Comfortable to wear and convenient to throw!
like for instance a pair of glitzy silver sneakers with elastic laces, which could double up as a slingshot for maximum force! meant to be thrown at celebrities only.
or a formal black leather pair with a heel that can be used for a firm grip to be thrown at high level politicians and industrialists....or even a line of chappals made out of broomsticks to be hurled at these so called babas and sadhus.
Mr. Bush has once again set off yet another ridiculously strange chain of events ...
We all know a lil bit about the "throwees"....but what about the "throwers"? what floats their boat?
throwing one shoe at the people who piss them off. what do they do with the other one? we all know that one shoe ain't good for anyone. unless they like to hop. Maybe that's where the phrase "hopping mad" came from! who knows?
I think ppl have resorted to throwing shoes coz justice is very delayed in our country, hence instead of the more common phase "i'll sue you !" ppl now are saying "i'll shoe you!" hahaha
(Pj.)
Now what can the helpless throwees do, in order to protect themselves from these flying manifestations of frustration? these unforeseen seemingly harmless but potentially disastrous turn of events?.....................my suggestion before getting up on any stage they should get themselves "catchers" you know Indian cricket team rejects and give them an official post .... they can be called the Shoe stoppers! hahahahahaha (Pj2.)
now before you guys can shoe me away...i mean boo me away i better stoop. i mean stop.
in other news, angry motorists are shooting in the air, pole dancers are turning spiritual dancers for the Pope, and Samajwadi party is standing for reducing the use of computers and the English language! Not so Mulayam this party manifesto!
why would we wanna elect someone like that????? and how can a person who is called Mulayam do anything?
This is Mulayam speaking.... stop using that laptop now!!!
~~oooooo i'm scared already~~
Moving on...so have you'll been getting your daily dose of da news nowadays? well if not then i bet you're missing out buddy. It's more fun than it has ever been! the morning newspaper is a testament of how everyone seems to be losing "it". By "it" I do not mean their virginity (although I wish that was the case) I mean their sanity!
But still Shoe makers have never had it better! Their creations are the buzz word in the present highly charged political scenario.
Shoes are flying all over the place! Maybe shoe manufacturers ought to come out with a special line of shoes......Comfortable to wear and convenient to throw!
like for instance a pair of glitzy silver sneakers with elastic laces, which could double up as a slingshot for maximum force! meant to be thrown at celebrities only.
or a formal black leather pair with a heel that can be used for a firm grip to be thrown at high level politicians and industrialists....or even a line of chappals made out of broomsticks to be hurled at these so called babas and sadhus.
Mr. Bush has once again set off yet another ridiculously strange chain of events ...
We all know a lil bit about the "throwees"....but what about the "throwers"? what floats their boat?
throwing one shoe at the people who piss them off. what do they do with the other one? we all know that one shoe ain't good for anyone. unless they like to hop. Maybe that's where the phrase "hopping mad" came from! who knows?
I think ppl have resorted to throwing shoes coz justice is very delayed in our country, hence instead of the more common phase "i'll sue you !" ppl now are saying "i'll shoe you!" hahaha
(Pj.)
Now what can the helpless throwees do, in order to protect themselves from these flying manifestations of frustration? these unforeseen seemingly harmless but potentially disastrous turn of events?.....................my suggestion before getting up on any stage they should get themselves "catchers" you know Indian cricket team rejects and give them an official post .... they can be called the Shoe stoppers! hahahahahaha (Pj2.)
now before you guys can shoe me away...i mean boo me away i better stoop. i mean stop.
in other news, angry motorists are shooting in the air, pole dancers are turning spiritual dancers for the Pope, and Samajwadi party is standing for reducing the use of computers and the English language! Not so Mulayam this party manifesto!
why would we wanna elect someone like that????? and how can a person who is called Mulayam do anything?
This is Mulayam speaking.... stop using that laptop now!!!
~~oooooo i'm scared already~~
Thursday, April 9, 2009
main insane nahin!
have you noticed how technology has made it possible for people with a mental condition to roam free??!! this brilliant observation happened coz today i saw this lady standing at a bus stop, no one on either side of her, wildly gesticulating her hands and talking. this obviously looked strange but no one was really giving her a second look coz it's not an uncommon sight.we see people talking by themselves all the time, while driving or walking in a park or on the streets. Yes you got that right she was probably talking on her phone. So what i realised was that I would never be able to tell the difference between a a stock broker trying to sell his shares on the phone before the markets close or a mad man! The only thing that would probably separate the two would be a thin wire running across his torso. That wire...my friend... is an important line...it's the line that defines one's sanity!
isn't that wired? oops ! i meant wierd.
isn't that wired? oops ! i meant wierd.
Monday, March 9, 2009
CHARRYON CHARRYOFF
coming of age? what does that phrase mean? it's a relatively loose term. it could mean different things at different stages in one's life. At the stage that I am currently.....coming of age means not cringing at the possibility of maybe having to dye. (i hope i got that spelling right!)
I'm only on the brink of being a young adult (all of 31 yrs 11 mts and 9 days) and have stopped feeling bad if things don't go as per plan...coz hey sometimes they don't. in fact if i had a tomb stone it would read - SHIT HAPPENS!
well age also brings with it a lot of depth. yeah...what's that all about. it's like you're scraping the bottom of you're soul and finding layers that you never knew existed. Hence you start feeling all wise and shit. You really wanna be there for people and dispense advice and even if you have none you won't quit, coz hey now that they know that you're older you must have certain pearls of wisdom to dish out every now and then , so you go for safe classic lines. like this too shall pass...or whatever happens, happens for the best...
So you're this wiser more matured and experienced person now. Until one day an insignificant fuck of an insect comes along and gives you a disease that takes everything out of you for a good 2 weeks! Kehte hain-ek machhar aadmi jo hijra bana deta hai!
But i choose to change that dialogue to ek machhar aadmi ko ek sasta china made handset bana deta hai!
coz man your body heats up involuntarily to burning point even if u speak for a minute, you look like all your functions are ok untill you try going to pee and almost feel like a shockwave just ran through your murugadoss, your batteries need to be recharged every hour (by burying yourself under all the possible blankets/bedsheets/quilts/rajais possible)(and making a couple of relatives sit on top of that heap) but the damn vibration caused by the inefficiency is enough to shake em all!
ya so basically i look good on the outside , but my insides are as useless as a chinese mobile handset right now.
(beep)
BATTERY LOW.
I'm only on the brink of being a young adult (all of 31 yrs 11 mts and 9 days) and have stopped feeling bad if things don't go as per plan...coz hey sometimes they don't. in fact if i had a tomb stone it would read - SHIT HAPPENS!
well age also brings with it a lot of depth. yeah...what's that all about. it's like you're scraping the bottom of you're soul and finding layers that you never knew existed. Hence you start feeling all wise and shit. You really wanna be there for people and dispense advice and even if you have none you won't quit, coz hey now that they know that you're older you must have certain pearls of wisdom to dish out every now and then , so you go for safe classic lines. like this too shall pass...or whatever happens, happens for the best...
So you're this wiser more matured and experienced person now. Until one day an insignificant fuck of an insect comes along and gives you a disease that takes everything out of you for a good 2 weeks! Kehte hain-ek machhar aadmi jo hijra bana deta hai!
But i choose to change that dialogue to ek machhar aadmi ko ek sasta china made handset bana deta hai!
coz man your body heats up involuntarily to burning point even if u speak for a minute, you look like all your functions are ok untill you try going to pee and almost feel like a shockwave just ran through your murugadoss, your batteries need to be recharged every hour (by burying yourself under all the possible blankets/bedsheets/quilts/rajais possible)(and making a couple of relatives sit on top of that heap) but the damn vibration caused by the inefficiency is enough to shake em all!
ya so basically i look good on the outside , but my insides are as useless as a chinese mobile handset right now.
(beep)
BATTERY LOW.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
one day i went to watch a movie.....it changed me forever.
anyone seen Dilli 6?
my deepest condolences.
i won't observe 2 mins silence cos then u'll start imagining a Ramleela scene.
what was that by the way? or rather why was there so much of it?
so clearly Rakeysh had a bad childhood. he loves jalebis and pigeons. has a fetish for monkeys (preferably black in colour). and cyrus sahukar and atul kulkarni. Atul i can understand, but cyrus sahukar?
alternative names for the movie:
1) Dilli sux
2) silly 6
3) shag the monkey
4) oh monkey i love you
5) getting funky with a monkey
6) ek bandar mere gaand ke andar!
bas.
and as for abhishek, i wanna ask him just one question:-
WHY you gotta hip hop to genda fool man?
my deepest condolences.
i won't observe 2 mins silence cos then u'll start imagining a Ramleela scene.
what was that by the way? or rather why was there so much of it?
so clearly Rakeysh had a bad childhood. he loves jalebis and pigeons. has a fetish for monkeys (preferably black in colour). and cyrus sahukar and atul kulkarni. Atul i can understand, but cyrus sahukar?
alternative names for the movie:
1) Dilli sux
2) silly 6
3) shag the monkey
4) oh monkey i love you
5) getting funky with a monkey
6) ek bandar mere gaand ke andar!
bas.
and as for abhishek, i wanna ask him just one question:-
WHY you gotta hip hop to genda fool man?
he nose it all!
i know it's a lil rude but doesn't Om Puri's nose bother anyone else?
it's just that when u're on such a big screen it's hard not to look at it's texture. i always try to find the goodness in all people, but it's right there! i mean his nose can be described using the words from a durex commercial........."large and dotted for exxxtra pleasure!"
i know i'm mentally unsound but screw that shit.
whenever you feel the need to talk about the unsightliness of Alok Nath's hands....eeeeeeeeeeee
..................eeeeeeeeeeeeee..........continues.....................eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.............call me.
it's just that when u're on such a big screen it's hard not to look at it's texture. i always try to find the goodness in all people, but it's right there! i mean his nose can be described using the words from a durex commercial........."large and dotted for exxxtra pleasure!"
i know i'm mentally unsound but screw that shit.
whenever you feel the need to talk about the unsightliness of Alok Nath's hands....eeeeeeeeeeee
..................eeeeeeeeeeeeee..........continues.....................eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.............call me.
inhi LOGO ne....
is it just me or have the number of cars with their logos missing increased manifold?
is it possible that these logos are just falling off?
is it just me who has extra time to notice things like these or have you noticed it too?
is it possible for me to continue writing this piece with sentences starting with "is it"?
is it a fact that you haven't shaved you're armpits in a while?
is it possible to be "happily married"?
is it normal to have gas for more than a day inspite of trying to fart?
is it possible to make a worse film than Dilli 6?
is it???!!!
ok now i'm bored of the is its so we shall variate our style of writing.
coming back to my brilliant observational skills.....the number of cars without their logos is increasing rapidly on the streets of mumbai. it's such a small thing but completely ruins the look of the car. if you are passionate about cars then u'll know what i'm saying...if not.... then u're probably better off knitting a sweater for u're cat, who by the way should never get on top of cars.
so i know that these logos are stolen by tiny school boys in the by lanes of Shivaji Park. i know cos i've seen them do it there.
anyways hum logo ko kya farak padta hai !
Conclusion:-
looking at a car without a logo is like looking at a beautiful woman without teeth!!
is it possible that these logos are just falling off?
is it just me who has extra time to notice things like these or have you noticed it too?
is it possible for me to continue writing this piece with sentences starting with "is it"?
is it a fact that you haven't shaved you're armpits in a while?
is it possible to be "happily married"?
is it normal to have gas for more than a day inspite of trying to fart?
is it possible to make a worse film than Dilli 6?
is it???!!!
ok now i'm bored of the is its so we shall variate our style of writing.
coming back to my brilliant observational skills.....the number of cars without their logos is increasing rapidly on the streets of mumbai. it's such a small thing but completely ruins the look of the car. if you are passionate about cars then u'll know what i'm saying...if not.... then u're probably better off knitting a sweater for u're cat, who by the way should never get on top of cars.
so i know that these logos are stolen by tiny school boys in the by lanes of Shivaji Park. i know cos i've seen them do it there.
anyways hum logo ko kya farak padta hai !
Conclusion:-
looking at a car without a logo is like looking at a beautiful woman without teeth!!
Friday, February 20, 2009
Hic Hic Hoorayy
As a child I remember going to school…ya I’m sure I did.
It was like this white building, with long corridors, rooms full of benches with a blackboard….and a box of chalks. (I used to love writing with them…esp the coloured ones)….no don’t worry I’m not getting nostalgic on you. I have a point. (as always)
In this white building We were taught that man’s 1st invention was The wheel.
And then many years after that a man invented something that I believe surpasses all inventions ever invented. Alcohol!
I’ll call him Jack.
So Jack’s invention also like the wheel had the ability to turn things around or even set them rolling…occasionally.
It is the single most important part of those peoples lives who aren’t averse to the idea of consuming it. In fact I remember quite clearly a nursery rhyme that describes the importance of it. It goes like this:-
When you’re happy and you know it
HAVE A DRINK (clap clap)
When u’re happy & u knw it
HAVE ONE MORE (clap clap)
Wen ure happy n u knw it & u really wanna show it
DRINK FROM THE BOTTLE (clap Hic clap)
Ya ok I went to palm beach high.
But my point is that the after effects of Jack’s invention . although great, are different on different ppl.
I’ve seen many a drunk in my time.
Some of them are my best friends.
For instance Govinda (name changed) gets giggly and likes to dance with weird thrusts of the chest and pelvis. When sober he is quite uninteresting though.
And Tina (name changed) gets repetitive ( a la Big B in satte pe satta). She’s sweet so I listen…no wait I’m sweet so I listen.
Shanti (name changed) starts dancing to hindi item numbers. She dances with infectious energy.
Then there’s Tushar (name changed) who just can’t stop laughing…his eyes disappear at times.
One such observation happened last night at a friend’s Sangeet. One of my closest and dearest friends Monica (yes name changed) started to abuse me! For no apparent reason. In good fun ofcourse. But then the Tina syndrome set in! that’s it! I din’t know where to look! It’s like your cell phone hanging just when you’re about to delete an obscene image .
That’s when I had the observation …which is why I started writing this piece…and I want all 3 of you to learn from my experiences.
What I realised is that no matter how innocent a man maybe, there is nothing he can say or do that will make him look credible if a woman is abusing him…even if she’s laughing while doing so. It’s the 1st human instinct to believe the woman over the man!!! I was embarrassed and amused at the same time. Of course I din’t have the guts to turn around and look at my other friends- Govinda Tina Tushar and Shanti….what wud they think???!!!
Little did I know that they were happy and they knew it……HAVING A DRINK ! Hic.
It was like this white building, with long corridors, rooms full of benches with a blackboard….and a box of chalks. (I used to love writing with them…esp the coloured ones)….no don’t worry I’m not getting nostalgic on you. I have a point. (as always)
In this white building We were taught that man’s 1st invention was The wheel.
And then many years after that a man invented something that I believe surpasses all inventions ever invented. Alcohol!
I’ll call him Jack.
So Jack’s invention also like the wheel had the ability to turn things around or even set them rolling…occasionally.
It is the single most important part of those peoples lives who aren’t averse to the idea of consuming it. In fact I remember quite clearly a nursery rhyme that describes the importance of it. It goes like this:-
When you’re happy and you know it
HAVE A DRINK (clap clap)
When u’re happy & u knw it
HAVE ONE MORE (clap clap)
Wen ure happy n u knw it & u really wanna show it
DRINK FROM THE BOTTLE (clap Hic clap)
Ya ok I went to palm beach high.
But my point is that the after effects of Jack’s invention . although great, are different on different ppl.
I’ve seen many a drunk in my time.
Some of them are my best friends.
For instance Govinda (name changed) gets giggly and likes to dance with weird thrusts of the chest and pelvis. When sober he is quite uninteresting though.
And Tina (name changed) gets repetitive ( a la Big B in satte pe satta). She’s sweet so I listen…no wait I’m sweet so I listen.
Shanti (name changed) starts dancing to hindi item numbers. She dances with infectious energy.
Then there’s Tushar (name changed) who just can’t stop laughing…his eyes disappear at times.
One such observation happened last night at a friend’s Sangeet. One of my closest and dearest friends Monica (yes name changed) started to abuse me! For no apparent reason. In good fun ofcourse. But then the Tina syndrome set in! that’s it! I din’t know where to look! It’s like your cell phone hanging just when you’re about to delete an obscene image .
That’s when I had the observation …which is why I started writing this piece…and I want all 3 of you to learn from my experiences.
What I realised is that no matter how innocent a man maybe, there is nothing he can say or do that will make him look credible if a woman is abusing him…even if she’s laughing while doing so. It’s the 1st human instinct to believe the woman over the man!!! I was embarrassed and amused at the same time. Of course I din’t have the guts to turn around and look at my other friends- Govinda Tina Tushar and Shanti….what wud they think???!!!
Little did I know that they were happy and they knew it……HAVING A DRINK ! Hic.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
BMC- (Break My city)
Ours is the World's largest democracy (i think)
many religions, many languages, many sky rises, many slums, many political parties, many belief systems, many Gods, and above all many people.
It's all good.
In this many splendoured country is the commercial capital Mumbai. (formerly known as Bombay).
The name was changed by some Political entity to prove a point. (i think.)
personally i like the sound of Bombay anyday.
Just like Victoria Terminus has changed to Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus.
well it was constructed by the British.
(excerpts from various sites on the world wide web:-
The Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus, formerly known as Victoria Terminus Station, in Mumbai, is an outstanding example of Victorian Gothic Revival architecture in India, blended with themes deriving from Indian traditional architecture. The building, designed by the British architect F. W. Stevens, became the symbol of Bombay as the ‘Gothic City’ and the major international mercantile port of India. The terminal was built over 10 years, starting in 1878, according to a High Victorian Gothic design based on late medieval Italian models. Its remarkable stone dome, turrets, pointed arches and eccentric ground plan are close to traditional Indian palace architecture. It is an outstanding example of the meeting of two cultures, as British architects worked with Indian craftsmen to include Indian architectural tradition and idioms thus forging a new style unique to Bombay. )
and then many years later:-
In 1996, in response to demands by the Shiv Sena and in keeping with the policy of renaming locations with Indian names, the station was renamed by the state government after Chatrapati Shivaji, a famed 17th century Maratha king. On 2 July 2004 the station was nominated a World Heritage Site by the World Heritage Committee of UNESCO.)
So i find this quite convenient. Instead of putting our energy into building something that we can be proud of....we simply name the things that have already been built.
Future generations will probably get the wrong impression ...don't you think?
But obviously i have no say in the matter. Inspite of it being a Democracy, there is no platform where any decision can be taken by a vote. It's all just happening and we watch. And learn to live with it. And adjust. Adjusting seems to be our greatest strength.
You might be wondering why i talk about something that has happened so long ago.
Well coz something else recently happened to make me wanna write. coz after all thats all i can do.
It's nothing too big that can make headlines....it'll all be forgotten in a couple of years or even months! Cos no one has the time or the patience to fight against the corrupt government bodies.
I am talking about the recent "noble" drive by the BMC to widen roads at Napean Sea road.
Their reasoning is to ease traffic congestion caused by the worli bandra sea link. hmmm i don't get that. they are quoted as saying that cars moving towards nariman point from haji ali will have to pass through napean sea road??? How and why would that happen?
What actually happened is that the BMC has let 5 new Towers come up in a narrow stretch.
The reason why those new constructions are untouched is obvious. (i think)
Instead more than 100 year old compound walls have been brought down. in a matter of hours the entire road was changed to rubble.
it's so sad to see such a beautiful stretch lined with trees on either side of the road is now nothing more than a concrete jungle.
But hey what can one say.....but......
i'll adjust.
Disclaimer-this is purely a work of fiction/imagination
and is by no means intended at harming any person
living or dead.This blog is only meant for private
circulation.If you have received this link at random
please ignore the user comments and all it's contents.
many religions, many languages, many sky rises, many slums, many political parties, many belief systems, many Gods, and above all many people.
It's all good.
In this many splendoured country is the commercial capital Mumbai. (formerly known as Bombay).
The name was changed by some Political entity to prove a point. (i think.)
personally i like the sound of Bombay anyday.
Just like Victoria Terminus has changed to Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus.
well it was constructed by the British.
(excerpts from various sites on the world wide web:-
The Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus, formerly known as Victoria Terminus Station, in Mumbai, is an outstanding example of Victorian Gothic Revival architecture in India, blended with themes deriving from Indian traditional architecture. The building, designed by the British architect F. W. Stevens, became the symbol of Bombay as the ‘Gothic City’ and the major international mercantile port of India. The terminal was built over 10 years, starting in 1878, according to a High Victorian Gothic design based on late medieval Italian models. Its remarkable stone dome, turrets, pointed arches and eccentric ground plan are close to traditional Indian palace architecture. It is an outstanding example of the meeting of two cultures, as British architects worked with Indian craftsmen to include Indian architectural tradition and idioms thus forging a new style unique to Bombay. )
and then many years later:-
In 1996, in response to demands by the Shiv Sena and in keeping with the policy of renaming locations with Indian names, the station was renamed by the state government after Chatrapati Shivaji, a famed 17th century Maratha king. On 2 July 2004 the station was nominated a World Heritage Site by the World Heritage Committee of UNESCO.)
So i find this quite convenient. Instead of putting our energy into building something that we can be proud of....we simply name the things that have already been built.
Future generations will probably get the wrong impression ...don't you think?
But obviously i have no say in the matter. Inspite of it being a Democracy, there is no platform where any decision can be taken by a vote. It's all just happening and we watch. And learn to live with it. And adjust. Adjusting seems to be our greatest strength.
You might be wondering why i talk about something that has happened so long ago.
Well coz something else recently happened to make me wanna write. coz after all thats all i can do.
It's nothing too big that can make headlines....it'll all be forgotten in a couple of years or even months! Cos no one has the time or the patience to fight against the corrupt government bodies.
I am talking about the recent "noble" drive by the BMC to widen roads at Napean Sea road.
Their reasoning is to ease traffic congestion caused by the worli bandra sea link. hmmm i don't get that. they are quoted as saying that cars moving towards nariman point from haji ali will have to pass through napean sea road??? How and why would that happen?
What actually happened is that the BMC has let 5 new Towers come up in a narrow stretch.
The reason why those new constructions are untouched is obvious. (i think)
Instead more than 100 year old compound walls have been brought down. in a matter of hours the entire road was changed to rubble.
it's so sad to see such a beautiful stretch lined with trees on either side of the road is now nothing more than a concrete jungle.
But hey what can one say.....but......
i'll adjust.
Disclaimer-this is purely a work of fiction/imagination
and is by no means intended at harming any person
living or dead.This blog is only meant for private
circulation.If you have received this link at random
please ignore the user comments and all it's contents.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
RAP SONG FOR MA VALENTINE :))
Got new shoes
Ma wife rulz!
In love I'm a fool
But she is uber cool!
Ma shiny new shoes
Gonna make you drool
It's ma latest tool
To assist ma intent that's so cruel...
PEACE
Disclaimer-this is purely a work of fiction/imagination
and is by no means intended at harming any person
living or dead.This blog is only meant for private
circulation.If you have received this link at random
please ignore the user comments and all it's contents.
Ma wife rulz!
In love I'm a fool
But she is uber cool!
Ma shiny new shoes
Gonna make you drool
It's ma latest tool
To assist ma intent that's so cruel...
PEACE
Disclaimer-this is purely a work of fiction/imagination
and is by no means intended at harming any person
living or dead.This blog is only meant for private
circulation.If you have received this link at random
please ignore the user comments and all it's contents.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
traygedy! traygedy!
I have many friends who are pregnant or were pregnant recently. No, don't get me wrong... i am not claiming responsibility. pregnancy leads to a serious limitations in the options for recreational activities. hence they watch a lotta movies. ok the point that i'm trying to make here is that i have been watching a lot of movies lately. ... ... err.....ok that din't come out right.
moving on ...i've recently watched some brilliant movies and have enjoyed watching them.
that's all.
just wanted to share with you'll my filmi experiences.
have u
seen DevD yet? if not go watch! phew what a ride. awesome is an understatement.
i know many of you won't agree with my point of view. but screw that. where else can u imagine lyrics like "bol bol yaar y did u ditch me? whore" ?? and dialogues like " randi bolna out of fashion ho gaya hai" or "tere bade baal hain"......it's full of crazy coked up messed up splendour in the head of an arrogant rich prick. And the soundtrack is spot on as is the cast. Must watch for all those with an apetite for alternative cinema.
and ofcourse The Curious case of Benjamin Button.Simply Brilliant.
We live in tumultuous times. Everything is fleeting. I don't quite know if the world will end in my time, or a more wrecked version of it will be there for my children to see. Or if I will be proved a pessimist and things will actually get better. It is heartening to place yourself at the disposal of cinema that transports you out of your current frame of mind and takes you someplace else. You drown yourself and you emerge a little better than before, having been touched by the beauty of people you may never meet and lives that will never cross your path. Ironic? Well, such is life...
moving on ...i've recently watched some brilliant movies and have enjoyed watching them.
that's all.
just wanted to share with you'll my filmi experiences.
have u
seen DevD yet? if not go watch! phew what a ride. awesome is an understatement.
i know many of you won't agree with my point of view. but screw that. where else can u imagine lyrics like "bol bol yaar y did u ditch me? whore" ?? and dialogues like " randi bolna out of fashion ho gaya hai" or "tere bade baal hain"......it's full of crazy coked up messed up splendour in the head of an arrogant rich prick. And the soundtrack is spot on as is the cast. Must watch for all those with an apetite for alternative cinema.
and ofcourse The Curious case of Benjamin Button.Simply Brilliant.
We live in tumultuous times. Everything is fleeting. I don't quite know if the world will end in my time, or a more wrecked version of it will be there for my children to see. Or if I will be proved a pessimist and things will actually get better. It is heartening to place yourself at the disposal of cinema that transports you out of your current frame of mind and takes you someplace else. You drown yourself and you emerge a little better than before, having been touched by the beauty of people you may never meet and lives that will never cross your path. Ironic? Well, such is life...
Monday, February 2, 2009
matakalli matakalli
masakalli masakalli.....matakalli matakalli....smoking smoking nikle re dhuaaaaaaan......gaaawre baawre jao re.... o saaaayaaaa ayo aaayaaa ooo saayaaa oyeee mayoooo....
for those of you'll who're not "with it" let me clarify that these are'nt gibberish scribblings. This is the latest moojhik thats playing everywhere. i mean there's no escaping these sounds buddy. na ah. from radio stations to railway stations, from auto rikshaws to cars , from slumdogs to millionaires, from humans to pigeons..... everyone is hearing/ humming these tunes baby!
So the observation is more often than not when you're just chilling or dng something that does not require you're full attention (like when you're at work and stuff ..hehe coz lets face it ppl have a lotta spare time these days;) shhhhhhh!) one of these tunes will be playing in the back of your head and it is quite pissing off! i'm on the way to wrk and suddenly i have emosanal atyachaar playing in my head! it's ok at first but most of these songs get stuck in your head if u know wat i mean.and that can be quite a frustrating feeling! so it's tauba tera jalwa tauba tera pyaaaar tera emosanal atyachaaar buzzing in your head and it's getting to you. so wat u do is put on the radio...and masakalli masakalli , change the station cuz u knw that this song too will get stuck... tu hi toh meri dost hai...aaaja main hawaaon mein tujhe le chaloon....switch to..... baaaawre gaaawre baaaawre.....switch to....chic chic chicaa chic chic chicaa rig rig ringa rig rig ringa.......chhua chhuaa chhuaaa...ayyy ayyyyaa !
enough said.
thats why nowadays i hum older numbers.... my current favourite is bhishan chacha from yaarana. i know i know....
for those of you'll who're not "with it" let me clarify that these are'nt gibberish scribblings. This is the latest moojhik thats playing everywhere. i mean there's no escaping these sounds buddy. na ah. from radio stations to railway stations, from auto rikshaws to cars , from slumdogs to millionaires, from humans to pigeons..... everyone is hearing/ humming these tunes baby!
So the observation is more often than not when you're just chilling or dng something that does not require you're full attention (like when you're at work and stuff ..hehe coz lets face it ppl have a lotta spare time these days;) shhhhhhh!) one of these tunes will be playing in the back of your head and it is quite pissing off! i'm on the way to wrk and suddenly i have emosanal atyachaar playing in my head! it's ok at first but most of these songs get stuck in your head if u know wat i mean.and that can be quite a frustrating feeling! so it's tauba tera jalwa tauba tera pyaaaar tera emosanal atyachaaar buzzing in your head and it's getting to you. so wat u do is put on the radio...and masakalli masakalli , change the station cuz u knw that this song too will get stuck... tu hi toh meri dost hai...aaaja main hawaaon mein tujhe le chaloon....switch to..... baaaawre gaaawre baaaawre.....switch to....chic chic chicaa chic chic chicaa rig rig ringa rig rig ringa.......chhua chhuaa chhuaaa...ayyy ayyyyaa !
enough said.
thats why nowadays i hum older numbers.... my current favourite is bhishan chacha from yaarana. i know i know....
Monday, January 19, 2009
news from other parts of the world include the incident where an angry flock of geese had a rather unpleasant run in with an air craft resulting in their untimely death. It is believed that the geese were angry with the airline coz their frequent flier miles were not being accepted and hence decided to enter the aircraft by force. But they had to learn their lesson the hard way
:- "entering the plane thru the WING is WrONG!"
Anyways alls well that lands well....in this case the well was the Hudson river and all the passengers on board the aircraft were rescued safely.
:- "entering the plane thru the WING is WrONG!"
Anyways alls well that lands well....in this case the well was the Hudson river and all the passengers on board the aircraft were rescued safely.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
last time i wrote on my blog it was still during the end of the Indian summer...and now it's winter (or so it's supposed to be). Hence i can call myself a seasoned writer now! hahaha.............uhem okkk (hate it when i'm the only one laughing on my joke.)
i have some questions that are troubling me....the kind whose answers cannot be "Googled"
Like for instance how can Sanjay Dutt stand for elections? I mean it's absurd! if only it could be possible to rewind real life to refresh our memories .... the same news channels show how sanjay dutt has been sent to jail and is out on bail and a few months later how he is munnabhai MP?
Has the whole country been Ghajinified? (by that i mean the short term the memory da problem)
and what's with all the noise about slumdog? before the movie had won any award, everyone was in praise for it and now that it has become an internationally acclaimed multiple award winning movie, people are criticizing it? I watched the movie and thought it was a brilliant piece of work. Thats it. there is absolutely no need to go beyond that. Although i do feel that the movie has been able to become such a big success internationally because it has been made by Boyle.
Anywayz the music rocks! jai - ho! Salutations to Mr. Rahman.
i have some questions that are troubling me....the kind whose answers cannot be "Googled"
Like for instance how can Sanjay Dutt stand for elections? I mean it's absurd! if only it could be possible to rewind real life to refresh our memories .... the same news channels show how sanjay dutt has been sent to jail and is out on bail and a few months later how he is munnabhai MP?
Has the whole country been Ghajinified? (by that i mean the short term the memory da problem)
and what's with all the noise about slumdog? before the movie had won any award, everyone was in praise for it and now that it has become an internationally acclaimed multiple award winning movie, people are criticizing it? I watched the movie and thought it was a brilliant piece of work. Thats it. there is absolutely no need to go beyond that. Although i do feel that the movie has been able to become such a big success internationally because it has been made by Boyle.
Anywayz the music rocks! jai - ho! Salutations to Mr. Rahman.
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