Feelin Hot hOt Hot!

it's so damn hot!!! What's going on with the weather dude? if you're in Bombay these days you'll agree. The other day while driving to work (my car ac has conked) i was smoking without a cigarette in my hand! or atleast thats what it felt like. i mean there was smoke and heat sans the satisfaction of a cigarette. I don't mean that it's good to smoke...pls don't get me wrong Mr. Ramadoss. It was just a way of expressing my views about the heat in Bombay. I love calling my city Bombay so I stick to it. I know it's incorrect to do so coz it's officially Mumbai now. But pls don't get me wrong Mr. Thackaray, it's an unofficial documentation of my heat, errr that din't come out right. But you get what I'm trying to say here.



They say that images communicate more effectively than words when trying to send out a message.So for the greater good of mankind I have put up a picture of myself after a 20 minute drive in the afternoon without air conditioning.

PICTURE NOT SUITABLE FOR THE WEAK HEARTED OR PREGNANT WOMEN.





Ya so it's crazy coz if you're out on the streets long enough your head starts emanating fumes and don't be upset if you get mild headaches and nausea, or if you wanna kill someone it's a natural reaction of the outer heat encouraging your inner Heat to get violently hot. errrr

I just realised that writing is so much more satisfying than talking. The beauty of it being that you don't have to have someone stand and listen to you, ........(personally I don't have a problem even if nobody is listening but at the tender age of 31.5 one does have to be a lil careful about one's image and not give people reason to believe tht the recent plunge in the economic scenario has affected your mental health).......coz when you write it's an assumption that someone will read what you've written. till the end. even if it is 18 pages....FRONT AND BACK!



I sometimes do feel the need to write shady lines such as scroll till the very end...>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

or else>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

your pee pee will turn into a limp bourbon biscuit that has been dipped in the tea longer than required.

At least that will guarantee me some amount of readership.

(But then i'll only have superstitious and insecure bastards reading my material, and they are not my target audience.)

Is it still audience when your writing ???

well whatever you get my point. If you know the correct word to be used instead of the highlighted one please let me know.

So the other day i stepped out for a drink with a bunch of my happening friends to this happening club...okay okay with just one of my friends to this hole in the wall kinda place called

the woodside inn at colaba. Nice place with good beer. Anyways the reason i mention it is coz it's the first time I was at a bar where no one was smoking. I must admit that it's a relly good change. Being a smoker I did find it a lil annoying at first , but I smoked lesser that night than i normally would've. And it was nice to be in a smoke free environment. Thank you Mr. Ramadoss.

why the f*** WUD SALLY SELL SEA SHELLS BY THE SEA SHORE?? aren't there enuff for everyone ??

i know i know..it's been long, but i'm sure you will understand. I'm sorry if you have'nt been able to sleep well as a result, I apologise if you had to resort to running or pilates or spinning or something equally painful in order to release those endorphins just cos i was'nt writing. NOW YOU WON'T HAVE TO.... COS I'M BACK!
Now as you all know that the statement of purpose of this blog reads:-

"charryon assures it's readers their weekly dose of feel good hormones simply at the click of a mouse from the comfort of your home/office desk/lazyboy/garage....whatever works for you.we also send across expert female escorts to give you complete relaxation of the full body and soul. just mail us at http://www.cumbabycumbabybabycumcum.com/"

So I was on my way back from work earlier today, you know driving and looking around, cos hell there’s always entertainment to be caught on the streets of Mumbai.
Well most of the time, when your past the stage where the traffic bugs the crap out of you. And I came across this traffic police jeep, you know the ones that have neon safety messages on top of them. It’s a pretty cool idea you know like a mobile reminder of common traffic offences that you might knowingly or unknowingly commit. Got to hand it to them they’re getting pretty tech savvy and stuff which is awesome. Only if they had a lil more command over the engish language that’d be great. So I’m like behind one of these jeeps and the messages are beaming in bright neon red…DRIVE SAFELY..DON’T CUT LANE…WEAR HELMET…BLAH BLAH ………IT WAS ALL GOOD UNTIL I read the next couple of messages………..
ACCIDENTS OCCUR RARELY …… (so does that mean we shud relax a bit and not look on the road a lot?)
AND …..BLOW SLOW, GO SLOW!......... well I definitely agree with that one…kuchh cheezon ka mazaa dheere liye jaata hai!
The other thing I often see is paunchy , balding very unfit men in their early 40s, wearing tracks and shiny white running shoes with t-shirts that hug their stomachs ever so lovingly as if it were body paint! The reason they catch my attention ( don’t get me wrong, I’m a fat guy and definitely not gay, hence I observe them for purely comical reasons bitch!) is that they all got this bounce in their walk, you know like they start feeling fit just wearing these work out costumes. They got this pace in their swagger as if they’re really walkin fast…and the chin is up with a broad grin. It’s quite something. They might have just returned after tucking in a few dosas from a roadside stall , or maybe a beer at the club, but their walk says that “I’ve had the best work out of my life! "
On a more personal note let me tell you that I have lost 6 kgs in 6 weeks…(applause)
Now that could be an ordinary thing for most ppl but not me ….i’m 31 years old and have been trying to lose weight for the past 20 . But somehow din’t ever get around to sticking to my plans. Well now that I have stuck onto it for 6 weeks I thought I might immortalise this feeling by putting it up there…for the world to see it.(okay okay for the 2 of you to see it)…so ya I did it. It feels good ..in fact it feels so good that I wanted to put up “before” and “after” pictures…except that they look pretty much the same :p
So I was gonna tell you’ll about my magical diet but I’m still waiting to get it patented.
Ya you read that right. It’s a pretty big deal nowadays you know. Like a guaranteed weight loss thing. It’s big. Lotsa money to be made there. According to the latest statistics “3 out of every 7.5 ppl are trying to lose weight.”
I call it the “saaru 6 par maru 6” diet !

Howcome?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

I don't give a SHIT!

having just recovered from a bout of diarrhea, I have learnt one thing for sure
"ki maut aur tatti kahin bhi aur kabhi bhi aa sakte hain!"
Yes it's that certainty of life that we all must learn to accept, no matter how difficult it may
be. For those of you who got in late :
"Diarrhea is loose, watery stools. A person with diarrhea typically passes stool more than three times a day. People with diarrhea may pass more than a quart of stool a day. "
In fact it's such a common feature in our lives that we even gave it a "pet name" loosies :0)
So cute , such a harmless sounding word to describe a condition which can take a person to the very edge of sanity!
Another unpleasant observation when you get the "loosies" is - farts can be tricky.... yea you heard me! It's not always what you see (smell) is what you get! Sometimes you can get more than you asked for!
that's right. I said it.
So basically after you've gone to the loo 6 to 7 times in like 7 mins you start talking to yourself (on the pot) coz by then you've read the news paper... backwards and also the directions to use on your shampoo bottle. You start to wonder about everything that you might have eaten in the last 48 hours and it's almost definite that you'll come up with a particular food item that has caused you this misery! It's human nature . You need to have something to blame. "I knew i should'nt have eaten that quiche! ! grr damn that quiche! I'm never eating that quiche again!

So after you've recovered from this bout of acute diarrhea life slowly starts getting back on track...you've put the ghosts of your GASTROENTERITIS behind you.
your smiling again and are at a friend's party...and all you can think of is "Bring me some quiche!"

Lo Main aa gaya!

hello everyone! what's going on and how have you been? long time man! well now that we're done with our pleasantries we may commence this never ending joyride of you reading about my innermost thoughts laid out for you in the outermost form, carefully worded to just about pass the censor boards and packaged to sound slightly less gory and slightly more sophisticated than it actually is.Phew that was a long sentence.
Well the reason for this long hiatus is that in the past few weeks i have travelled far and wide to explore different cultures, way of life and food. Now I am ready to share all those experiences with you. In my endeavour to enrich the lives of those i touch (not literally) it is my moral responsibility to tell you'll that amongst all the states i have been in, it is the state of happiness that's most important. You must visit it as often as you can. wah. how deep are we?
While i was away we had received a lotta complaints and suggestions. Well there were more complaints (3 nos.) than suggestions(1 no.)
we have come up with suitable responses:-
Complaint:- there isn't any parking available outside the charryon office! grr
Response:- Dear sir, we work from a tiny office that is situated in the basement of an old building.(we can't stoop any lower). We do not have access to sunlight/fresh air/cell phone network. We have to keep our phones near the ceiling fan to be able to receive calls and don't even get me started on how we answer them. So unless you are visiting us to invest/donate funds or make us an offer that we can't refuse, please do not be disappointed if we can't offer you a parking space!

Complaint:- you all are a bunch of losers! :p
Response:- Dear sir, bc,mc,mkc,gkl.

Suggestion:- Charan i think you should go see someone. There is nothing wrong with that. I'm sure you can come out of it.
Response:- Dear well-wisher. I did go see someone at your behest. I beleived you when you said there is nothing wrong with that. But then my wife found out. And she beat the crap outta me. Now i find it very hard to sit on 1 bum and type with just one finger.

Please keep those hate mails coming. It gives us a lotta encouragement and more importantly ..it gives us something to do:-)

(partially begged/borrowed/stolen from www.happilyunmarried.com )

Phoney business of advertising

According to me there are 3 kinds of ads....


Good, Bad and Ughly.


Currently on television there are two major telecom brands hammering their ads on every possible satellite frequency...Yes you guessed it right. Airtel and Idea.


Why i write about this is coz even if you try really really hard you can't escape these ads. It's on every channel and after every ten minutes literally.


Idea= good!


Airtel=ughly!


why you ask?


Well no reasoning required for the Idea campaign being good. It's pretty obvious. Idea ads promote the idea of education in rural India and definitely gets the message across in a sweet manner. With a hummable jingle I might add.


And the Airtel ad reminds me of just one thing really..You wanna know what?


Vidya Balan's hands! I could go on and on about how much her hands disturb me, but I won't.


In every ad you can't help but notice em.


Besides it propagates the idea of men being inefficient and lazy, which I find objectionable.


"papa ko paise bheje?" ............. "table laga do, salad bana do, covers chadha do".............."phone bill bhara?"


In the next ad i wanna hear the guy say " ye haath mujhe de de Vidyaa!"


"What an Idea sirji"





WHile on the subject let me get a social message on board....


Do not use your mobile phones while driving!!!





I can't follow you everywhere!

(courtesy world wide web)

joke (not mine) (( but funny ))

A MBA and a Bcom go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the Bcom wakes his MBA friend. " look up at the sky and tell me what you see.
"The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
The Bcom is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".

tank full = bank gul ! ! !

gooooooooooooood morniinnnnnng mumbai!

hamara aaj ka topic hai - kya aap inflation se tez hain??
agar aap ka jawab hai "Nahinnnn" to apne mobile par type kijiye "Nahinnn" aur bhej dijiye
kisi bhi number par.
Phir kuchh der baad aapko us number se phone ya sms zaroor ayega.
Magar aap kuchh jeet nahin payenge kyunki aapka jawab bahut common hai aur aap ek mango man hain. yaani ki aam aadmi aur mango season khatam ho gaya hai ch#@tiye.

Lekin....agar aap ka jawab hai "haan" to apne mobile se mujhe phone zaroor karna haan. Bhoolna mat.
>>>>>>>>Hamare aaj ke sawaal ke sponsors hain "Lux cozy" (That's the only garment that we can afford! )<<<<<<<<<< color="#ff0000">thi.

Bharat Motor Driving School

Things you don't wanna hear when you're sitting in the car with your wife who has just learnt how to drive:-

* let's go for a drive , i'm getting better! Now I can brake and all without being told:)
* we'll go out for a drive but not in the building, coz I can't do corners.
* The driving school guy din't give me the learner's license yet. He said "aap thoda ruko, thoda
aur practice karo."






* I've not banged anyone yet! But i'm not yet comfortable with the changing gears part.
* According to the driving school guy i'm not yet ok with the steering wheel.
* Today I realized the benefits of the horn. You need to use it a lott!

* I'm really not that bad! I don't suck as much as you think I do :p

We are getting famous.

Sign outside entrance of Charryon.blogspot office.

Is it a Bird?? Is it a Plane?? No chutya it's My undies hanging out in the rain.

Getting to know yourself better can be a very disturbing experience at times. At 31 there are'nt many attributes of your personality that you have'nt already discovered.But recently I discovered something about myself that I was oblivious to in all these years.
I had become one of "those people"....you know the kinds who always have something to say about everything...the kinds who have an opinion on everything....the kinds who think they "know it all"....I was one of them!!!!

I hate them people.....I had become them people.

I was feeling dizzy. And then I started feeling queezy in my gut...and a little lower. I even got the loosies. I think it was the prawns. But i'm feeling much better now. Thanks for the flowers.

So I dissected and put Charry under a microscope. What I found was .....(long pause)....pure Genius. I saw that Charry may not know a lot about a lotta things , but he sure is a keen observer. He analyses way too much. It enables him to judge people, situations and general fuk ups with great ease and makes him a little annoying at times. But no more than one would be with any other super hero when they use their super powers to fight evil. Yes Charry is gifted. And yes his Gift is his Curse. He must be an insufferable Know It All.

So the next time you are with Him, you should not question Him or taunt Him when He asks for things to be done in a certain way. You are in the presence of Greatness.

Moral of the story:-
Always look for the cheenee waiter at the restaurant. You'll definitely get quicker service.

BREAKING NEWS!

In India or atleast on Indian news channels every stinky skanky piece of news is Breaking News!

The best part being that , stuff that can't in it's most exagerated depiction also be called "news" is indeed "Breaking News."

Don't take my word for it , coz a wiseman once said "seeing is believing" so pls see it

Do you feel me???

kahani blog blog ki

Announcing the arrival of the best movie critic I have ever come across!!!

Mrs. Amrita Panjwani (applause)

Yes my wife has been inspired by a certain someone (;-) and has started Blogging!

Her blog is about the pleasures and pains of watching movies. It's a refreshingly honest and balanced viewpoint of whats good or whats bad about a particular movie that catches her attention.
She has a no holes barred approach and is unapologetic about what sucks about the movie.
So all the Ramus out there watch out!!
here comes the Show Stopper:-
www.amzincritic.blogspot.com
Enjoy:)

my baby sister.....

We have come a long way....been through so much together....All those times when We have laughed...giggled...scowled...frowned....thrown stuff at each other....Have been special....

I feel a special bond with the three of you now....hence i'm breaking the tradition of "talking crap"... to share with you'll something meaningful today. It's about a special person actually..My sister...komal.


Like many other people i know, she does not read my blog!


So today I decided to write stuff about her so that she would!


(As you'll can see the popularity of this space isn't exactly soaring. If the revenues don't start coming in within the next quarter we'll be forced to shut down our operations , and then all of us will have no choice but to depend on facebook and television for our daily dose of TP)


we'll have to stoop lower (however difficult that may be) to increase our readership.


we might even have to drop our towel hoping to catch more eyeballs. ( although that din't really work for Sanjay Geela Bansali.)


toh kya khayal hai??? Ban na chahte ho hindustan ka sabse bada blog?!?





OK as usual two of you'll have left this conversation coz of lack of trust, in my ability to make sense....no worries as long as there is one person reading this also mere haath rukne waale nahin! nahin! nahin!

Coming back to komaa (like i fondly call her), she is the most thoughtful and lovable sister one could've asked for. This I realise more now than ever before. Distance does help you get better perspective and value for things and people we take for granted...(she has recently moved base to Dubai). She has a distinct laughter(like a car braking at a speed bump at regular intervals)....loud voice(like uski awaaz ki goonj sunai degi tumhe).....and a smile thats full of life! (with two trademark canines peeping)....she is happiest when she is "chilling"(mostly with a large absolute with diet coke).... And hyper active the rest of the time. But an absolute sweetheart. She is almost as straight forward as i am, and a little less chicken than me when it comes to telling people off. She knows what she wants and she won't rest until she gets it.





ok i don't wanna chadhao her too much so i'll keep it short.The reason i'm writing about her is coz it's an easier way to let her know that I love her and admire her.Bas haan. kuchh zyada ho gaya boss.





The many moods of Mrs. Komal Damania-



Sita-



Papita-





Babita-



Senorita-


???????


(come up with a suitable name for this snap and you shall be given due recognition)

What are you doing right now?

As if having to check you're mail wasn't enough to deal with that now there is facebook....either you're on it....or you're missing out....on what you ask me?? I have no friggin clue!
But it's important....why you ask me?? I have no freakin idea!
people are on it all the time.....doing what you ask me?? .....Ask na......hey pls ask me na......
VOICE IN HEAD -"what are they doing charan?"
CHARAN -"i have no friggin clue!

So you get my drift......
It's like ever so often i happen to be on the goddamn page and staring at the options....hmmm VOICE IN HEAD-let's see why don't I add some friends.
CHARAN -I don't really need more friends, I can barely put up with the ones i
already have!
hmmmm V- why don't i buy a new car on speed racer by racing people without actually driving?
V-Or or maybe buy me some pet hotties? eventhough i don't get what that'll achieve but sounds like fun...
V- or maybe update my status and let everyone know that i have the loosies?
CHARAN- maybe not.
V-let me see I have been poked, thrown sheep at,hugged, kissed and i have even recieved 44 drinks!
BUT I"M STILL THIRSTY FOR MORE! you know why? you really wanna know why??
Coz You Can't Really Have the DRinks can ya? dum twit.

300 odd pieces...

"There's something wrong with the world today
I don't know what it is
Something's wrong with our eyes

We're seeing things in a different way
And God knows it ain't His
It sure ain't no surprise"

(livin on the edge- aerosmith)

The week has been dominated by two seemingly disconnected incidences.....but are indeed deeply connected.

what connects them is cold blooded manner in which they occured.

what strikes me the most is that in one case (Maria - Mathew - Grover) the murderers had the nerve to go shopping for bags, knife, etc to a mall to dispose off the body and destroy all evidence, but not before having sex, in the presence of the dead body of a man with whom she had had sex a couple of hours ago!

And in the other (Aarushi Talwar) the mother of the deceased teenager is speaking to the press defending her husband who is the murder accused...

Recently I read that producers are ready to cast Maria in their programmes in order to cash in on her name....That's just about the most disgusting thing I have ever come across.

And about Neeraj's parents I can't even begin to imagine their pain to have lost their son in such a gruesome and tragic manner. May the Force be with them.

She Maroo !

Everyone secretly or obviously, deep down inside or on the surface desires to be famous...at some point in their lives.


People go to extreme and sometimes insane lengths in order to achieve that. Do desperate and obviously gimmicky things in order to get their 5 minutes of "fame.".


(like i did by creating this blog, just so that my handsome pictures can be displayed on a public platform) uhh PS- ignore snap in previous post. I was having a bad hair day :)


OK so coming back to the point I was making... There are people like me and then there are the others who are slightly luckier coz fame follows them in whatever they do...One such example is a friend of mine... Mansi Maroo..(naam toh suna hoga). She is the Co-Producer of the soon to be released film called "Not without my father!" The hindi version of the same is called MERE BAAP PEHLE AAP. It stars Akshay khanna, Paresh Rawal, Om Puri and Genelia.


It's going to hit the screens on June 13th.
Please go and watch it in the theatres only, as a part of the proceeds will be donated to Charry-ty (if you know what i mean ;)
Oh and please don't go looking for the title "Not without my father!"

Charryon apologises. . .

Charryon is as sorry today as it was yesterday.
Charryon assures it's readers, it will be more sorry in the future.
Charryon is feeling Sorry...Sorry does'nt mind it.
Charryon apologises to you,you,you and you.
Charryon apologises to you too, the one with an apology of a face.
Charryon apologises to Akshay Kumar for Tashan, coz YRF did not.
Charryon would like to say srory to Darsheel for it's bad jkoes.
Charryon apologises to Mithun Chakraborty for Mimoh.
Charryon apologises for the extra salt in your dal today.
Charryon apologises to SRK for not watching Paanchvi Paas.
If Charryon does not apologise to it's readers , it feels sorry.

Nano ya na Nano

while driving in the city on any given day, there are a lotta things that we are used to seeing...

like the regular traffic snarls, the taxis, the buses, the autos (if driving beyond mahim)...the roads are narrower than they should be, bikers keep cutting in, MSRTC signs saying work in progress, concrete being replaced for tiles (someone pls tell me why?), and missing a minor bang up here and there....The usual.

now picture the same scene with a million Nanos thrown in each year!

(long pause)

hey don't get me wrong , I'm all for it , coz it is truly a People's Car and it will definitely bring pride and utility of owning a car to many families who need personal mobility.

But are our city roads equipped to handle the consequences? hmmm.

Post Nano Scenario:-

1) Your maid will need a raise coz she can't afford the fuel (for her new nano ofcourse)

2)Nanos strapped on top of SUVs, as a back up option in case your car breaks down.

3)Bikes are replace by Nanos but the guys driving them still think they are on two wheels! Hence they slant everytime they make a turn. ( you don't even wanna know how they take a U turn!)

4)Just like cell phones, every member of the family has one.

Having said all that I have to admit I'm a little torn. It's truly a great deed to be able to pull of the world's cheapest car, but all the same I am selfish and dreading the consequences.

fwd this to ten people within the next 5 mins and all your wishes will come true!!!

sounds familiar does'nt it?
are you one of those superstitious/kind hearted/foolish individuals who actually send out or pass on these mails????
think AGAIN!
or as Steve Carell said it in kung pao - return of the fist "I implore you to reconsider!!"

check this out :-
http://info.org.il/irrelevant/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf

baby boo boo

you know life is made up of a lotta firsts....your first words, first kiss, first slap, first fling, first day at school, first day at work, first rejection, first car, first chic you bonked (and i mean the word chic here with the highest sense of respect ;). So it's always exciting to go through the first half of your life coz there are so many firsts. After a while everything seems more familiar and a feeling of having been there and done her ooops i meant done that creeps in , making life a little less exciting and we call that experience!


So by the time you turn 30 ( which I have not so long ago.....14 months ago to be precise) you don't remember the last time you had a "first". But I recently had a first....and it's something I wanna share with you'll. Ok hold your breath.


Recently it was the First time i got puked on!!!! YAY


It was awesome. Wait don't you go ahead and assume that I've lost my marbles (never understood that expression, but always wanted to use it!)


The reason I liked it coz the cutey who puked on me is our dear friends' 5 month old baby!


kabeer :)
He is the most adorable gorgeous doe eyed cutey I have ever seen! It is so tempting to grab his cheeks and hold him that even I gave it a shot! And he did not I repeat DID NOT cry! in fact he liked me so much that he offered to share his food with me:)
ok that's about my recent first.
So here's to looking forward to a whole lotta firsts in the second half of our lives!!!
Cheers!

Hungry kya???

pizza delivered in 30 mins or you get it free! sounds familiar? ofcourse it does. Undoubtedly one of the most remarkable and successful marketing strategies of our times!
Did you know that initially they deliberately used to deliver a little late so that they could indeed distribute free pizzas every now and then, knowing that people would then publicize their brand for them!
That's an old story now ...coz now the brand is where it needs to be, almost synonymous with the word Pizza itself! So now they're never late.
I'm sure every one of you must have at some point noticed a pizza delivery guy whizzing past trying to cut lanes, beat the traffic and jump signals, all this to try and have the pizza delivered within 30 mins. It is hazardous and I can definitely live with getting my pizza 5 mins late...
(nah!)
anyways what's amusing though is that almost all the food delivery guys, on bikes, think they're johny boy(you know from dhoom). They're all like revved up at the signal, almost like a race.
It's awesome.... the other day one of them did a wheely in front of my car and i got some free burgers on my hood! (well that din't exactly happen , but that wud've been cool ha?).
So the next time you see one of these possessed , obsessive "i have to get that pizza there even if I have to run You over" kinda guys.....let them pass.
Amen

a little less conversation,lot more action guaranteed!

how has life been treating you guys lately? great i'm sure... coz there is hardly anytime to ponder. Lets see... a regular day for most of us comprises of the morning alarm, quick shower, a hurried breakfast, traffic, heat, inefficient colleagues/subordinates/staff, meetings, blood sucking clients, tough competition, lunch, smoke break, pressing need of more capital, newer ideas, bigger orders OR better bosses, more appreciation, more days off.
To lighten things up we have that mid week drink, catch a movie, check out a new restaurant and basically catch up with the going ons on the social front...
What we forget or do not even realise is "we have no Me-Time". By that I mean some time set aside to basically clear your head of everything...and just be by yourself ...with yourself...doing what you enjoy doing most... feel free in that moment.

Can Routine and Freedom co-exist? We are all slave to the routine...hence have sacrificed our freedom without even realising it! It's like The Matrix in a strange way...we are living but are we really alive? when was the last time you left your home while it was pouring and wandered off without having a plan or an umbrella? Do you feel like a part of you is handicapped when you forget your cell phone at home? How dependent are you on technology? Do you feel restless when you can't check your mail? Not too long ago when you were waiting for your friends to come and get you, and they were late...what would you have done? ...waited... But You can't do that today. Why? Coz time is precious and we're all in a hurry. In a hurry to get there.

I guess what i'm trying to note here is that we should slow down once in a while.
Drink a tall glass of water or beer with our eyes closed and feel it go down. Take a deep cleansing breath. Take a walk . Have an interesting conversation with a couple of smokes and a cuppa coffee. And be thankful.
Thanful 2 be alive, 2 be free and 2 just be Me :)

charry predicts.

The Times Of India.

5th may 2018



Headlines:

1) kanjurmarg kings beat lokhandwala lions by 6 wkts.

2) Srk gifts farah khan one of the islands he recently bought for the spectacular box office returns from his film "main don... tu kaun?"

3)Reliance successful in creating SRZs in all the metros.Srz i.e specialized Reliance Zones where all the inhabitants will be exclusive reliance customers.Their power,telecommunication,automobiles,clothing,food grains,milk,eggs,bread,etc will all be supplied by Reliance Industries.Employment to all the SRZ residents will also be exclusively at Reliance Industries.

4)After the completion of the bandra-santacruz flyover now you can reach from malabar hill to andheri in jus 5 hours!

5)Man accused of shooting the judge while court was in session , gets bail due to lack of witnesses.

6)Srk to star opposite Ram Gopal Verma's new find, the 18 year old urmila mali.

7)Sachin out of the austrailian tour for chronic headache.

8)Rakhi Sawant and Shobha De launch a new Music album in collaboration, called "Rakhi tujhe ye Shobha nahi deta!"

9) All new buildings to have a helipad by the end of the year.

10)Thomas cook introduces "a month on the moon!" packages starting from Rs. 99,99,000/-*
* rates shown are per person on twin sharing basis.taxes and oxygen extra!





Disclaimer-this is purely a work of fiction/imagination
and is by no means intended at harming any person
living or dead.This blog is only meant for private
circulation.If you have received this link at random
please ignore the user comments and all it's contents.

just a Joke

women lovve to talk dirty to me in bed.........their favourite line seems to be "Get off me u fat bastard!"

and the Pressure is on...

ever since I can remember, I pretty much do things the same way day in and day out..you know in terms of daily habits and routine stuff. Like I'll always brush my teeth before having my morning chai , I'll always wait for pressure before going to the loo, always go to the loo before leaving home (no matter what), admire myself from different angles in the mirror before dressing up, wearing my chaddi before my trousers, you know regular stuff done in a routine manner (yawn).



I guess what i'm saying........ is........that I AM B.O.R.E.D.
Im bored of my routine..i'm bored of the news..i'm bored of shah rukh khan..i'm bored of cricket..i liked the idea of IPL but now that the cheer leaders are fully clad , i'm bored of that too..i'm bored of dinners..i'm bored of drinking..i'm bored of diplomacy..i'm bored of air kisses..i'm bored of channel surfing..i'm bored of being cynical..i'm bored of being cautious..i'm bored of it never being enough..i'm bored of gambling..i'm bored of scuba diving..i'm bored of being bored!!! (okay the gambling and diving were just put in there to see if you were paying attention).

how does this happen? I have always been the overly enthusiastic and impulsive kinda guy..
but it has happened and i have reached a stage where i am discussing my boredom with a notebook! you think that age has anything to do with it? maybe...but "they" say 30 is the new 20 ain't it? (don't you sometimes wonder who are these "they" ppl in every generalisation??? whoever "they" maybe , but they sure seem to know a lot about a lot of things!).

You know what else I am bored of....i'm bored of the no. of ambulances i see on a daily basis...it's scary ... Always makes me wonder how could there be such an increase over the past couple of years?

Is India really Shining?

Or is it a handful of people who "represent" India in the headlines of the morning dailies that are Shining?
I don't know....
I don't care to know....

All I know is that today the pressure is not coming yaar...!



Disclaimer-this is purely a work of fiction/imagination
and is by no means intended at harming any person
living or dead.This blog is only meant for private
circulation.If you have received this link at random
please ignore the user comments and all it's contents.

the weak-end is here!!!

hey hey hey!!! whats goin on with you peeps? so is this an amazing start to the weekend or wot?! Paanchvi Paas was Bakwaas.............Tashan was not a Jashan .......&......sree got a slap for free........... those of you who don't know me will probably think that i have finally lost it and those of you who do know me have accepted me the way i am and don't think highly of me anyways so screw you'll! hehe just kidding, i would never say anything bad about the two of you :-*(that's an e-kiss) (pronounced as eeeks!) So i'm drifting, as usual, coming back to life in the city...it's getting hotter by the minute and we have'nt even reached the peak of the Indian summer(not the restaurant i thinks that has now closed coz of blahh) yet! what else is new. 44 degrees in Orissa- 4 to 5 people dead, 42 degrees in Pune-hottest day in 100 years! awesome , and you thought that Inconvenient Truth was a boring movie? well well.... Everyone knows about it but no one actually does anything about it (the G word).
Besides the heat you know what makes me sweat? the lack of medical professionals with a conscience in the city! Purely speaking from my experiences i really feel the need of the hour is "medical counsellors" guys who don't actually treat you just guide you . That can make all the difference. I almost got sucked into doing another surgery to repair the after effects of the one i had done previously! But my indecisiveness and laziness came to my rescue. I found a much easier way out...Time. ( profound ain't it?) So now i have healed naturally and saved a cool 30 grand! The sad thing is that the "surgeons" i consulted knew that this would happen but not 1 of them even as much as hinted the option of waiting! So i recommend not taking doctors/surgeons at face value. Ofcourse no disrespect meant to the ones who are an exception. Just stay away from the scissor-happy ones ;)

who left the dogs out???

aloha...greetings from the chan man! so recently my friends were talking about it and they seem to think that i'm less likely to have an affair (like the extra marital kind)...That sounds just about right and it's good to know that you're perceived as a committed and loyal kind of guy...or is that so? No, that aint true, what they actually meant was that I would'nt probably get enough opportunities come my way! Now that can be a disturbing thought, especially if it came from people you know that well...grrrrr. On further introspection i realize that it's not that i'm looking to have one but it's the thought that they think i can't that bothers me...As the cliche goes "men are like dogs...they need to run behind cars even though they can't drive them!"
It's all about the chase...
sending a bark out loud to all the dogs out there!!!!! keep on running ;)

super star

gotta check out this track dude it's awesome........."mann tu talbat" remixed by dj tushar. I lovve it and am totally hooked for the next week atleast! So try and get your hands on it and if you can't let me know i'll mail it to y'all. Cheers! takhhliya...

U Me Aur Dumb!

ok so like i spent 620 bucks on tickets for this movie, for lack of a better plan...what was i thinking? I guess I was'nt...Better plan would be to dance like Mimoh at home (Mithun Chakraborty's son). By the way, have you seen that ? It's really cool if you can move like that! especially if you have a cockroach problem at home, cos with those moves no chance of anyone surviving or climbing up your pants!
Anyways getting back on the cruise, 1st half is full of wierd scenes with vague dialogues and wierd looking people doing vague things in a wierd manner and jus being vague! Do you get what i mean? Please tell me you found that sentence annoying. The entire 1st half is full of lines like these. And the so called pataoing that happens, when ajay devgan (badly dressed) , meets kajol ( badly dressed) , is so wierd, that you start thinking of any teeny weeny bit of romance that you have ever felt in your life , and realize that was so much cooler than this wierd shit.
2nd half is about memory loss....cheesy lines...lizard fascination...divya dutta's cleavy thats on show in all the scenes for no apparent reason . (And the fact that i'm complaining, means its not cool dude! )
Charryon verdict : as avoidable as constipation.

तेरी जात का ...

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

And finally..... A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

ELVES HAS YET TO LEAVE THE BUILDING!!!

Don't you go ahead and think I messed up the spelling on that one coz I did Not! Well if I had to opt for a surgery of any kind for the very 1st time in my life, it could not have been called anything less cool. ELVES or Endovenous Laser Therapy For Varicose Veins, is the one I got done(on both legs). It's relatively new and supposed to be easier on the person getting it done, coz the recovery period is much shorter than the conventional surgical method called "stripping". Naturally I had a lot of doubts and questions (being the 1st time and everything) so I asked the doctor about all the things that could possibly go wrong."There will be slight pain, if at all, as that is natural after any surgery, for which we will give you painkillers.Very rarely would there be any side effect.We will make you walk for 30 minutes immediately after" he said with a reassuring smile.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.
It's been 2 weeks and 196 pills post surgery and i find myself freaking out outside the clinic of this other general surgeon, coz it's called "The Surgery" ...literally that ...quotes and italics and everything,right on top of the entrance door.....It ain't wrong, but hell it's definitely not reassuring. he he..it's like going to a restaurant called "The Food" !!!...........................................
Well to cut things short all I wanna say to you' ll ( which means the two of you) ............( Damn, I need more of an audience...) is that there is no such thing as a minor surgery!
nope...It's minor for the guy performing it, but definitely not for the guy lying down on that table. After all the fuss you're just like a THANKSGIVING TURKEY waiting to be sliced by the generous host :)

ya ya... whatever

when you're cool..the Sun is always shining on you !.............................................................................
(so what if there's no point to it..it's MY space dude!) oh and if anyone of you want to put up anything interesting, embarassing, or boring on this blog you know where you can send it......Cheers!

wierdos unlimited!!

mornings are rough nowadays especially for those gullible minds that need to read the papers...today i read something new and interesting though.I read about this dude who humped


a table....he he he...Go Arthur Go! I would like to believe that I am fairly open minded and well read when it comes to pornography, you know the regular, front, back, black, white, brown, asian, man-woman, woman-woman, man-man, animal sex (not cool btw) and now this dude has created history of sorts by creating a new genre altogether.....Inanimate sex!


Ya you heard it right, Men are known for wanting to have sex on the table not with it.This man, Arthur Price Jnr was so attracted by this shiny metal picnic table that he was arrested by police for taking things too far!

picture courtesy:TOI (mumbai mirror) monday,April 7, 2008.................................................................................................................................................

arthur's mother:hey arthur... where do you wanna go today?

arthur: mom can we please go to IKEA?

lol

Matrimonial

This particular snap of cameron diaz has been so over used by the news papers that i won't be surprised if soon they start using it for generic representation purposes!
She does'nt even look like that anymore!!.................................................................



ALLIANCE invited for beautiful,fair,slim, 5'3",July '75 ,HSC, Cultured and Homely Sindhi Girl........Contact:-





98201-uwish !

thoda aur wish karo,,,, dish karo. hahahahahahahaha

THE BEGINNING ;-)

" tennu leke main khaavanga.....bill deke main jaavanga!!"
seen in this pic- ma lovely wife and moi. ..................................
date- 23rd january 2007.................................
Picture taken by Moneesh Kampani on his sony k700i.(he finished eating much before us!)

Worst opening lines!

the "art" of good writing ,by description is hard to define as there are no set rules for ART...there are no limitations or parameters or even logic that can be applied to it...it's a point of view,or the writer's imagery that may or may not move you...well here are a few opening lines that definitely will:-

(1) "As a scientist,Throckmortan knew that if he were ever to break wind in the sound chamber he would never hear the end of it">>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

(2)"Just beyond the Narrows the river widens">>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

(3)"With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied,a tanned unblemished oval face framed with lustreous thick brown hair ,deep azure blue eyes fringed with long black lashes,perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description.">>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

(4)"Andre , a peasant , had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the east wall: "Andre creep...Andre creep... Andre creep.">>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

(5)"Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached,but then penguins often do.">>>>>>>>

(6)"Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who din't know the meaning of the word "fear",a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death--in short , a moron with suicidal tendencies.">>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

the penguin one is my favourite!!!

bittersweet symphony that's life...

Hospitals generally make you superstitious and really thankful

...thankful for little things,basic stuff that one usually takes for granted. things like being able to go take a piss without anyone's assistance or the freedom to choose what you'd like to eat for dinner! Based on my minor stint at the hospital (a one night half day package that included early morning tea, breakfast and a surgery) i came to realise that i got paranoid and superstitious just being in that atmosphere. every ward boy and lady who walks in and out of your room is very courteous and extra sweet and i wanted to tip each and every one of them,just so that they would'nt curse me in case i din't...The other thing that happens when you're in the hospital is that you start thinking of everything that you knew that you should have been doing but din't get around to actually doing them...and how you swear that you would do them from the minute you step out of there...stop drinking,smoking start working out etc..

Having said that i'm really happy and grateful that i'm out of there and everyone of you should put health on your priority list starting today!

ciao.

every glass is special!

Amar,Akbar,Anthony,Pestonjee and ME

today can aptly be called the "amar,akbar,anthony day!"

its a day when we celebrate Holi,Id and Good Friday!

quite a rare coincidence...and to top that its also Navroz!

as if that were'nt enough it also happens to be the day I was born!!!

so please feel free to leave your best wishes...............credit/debit card numbers....

and if you need gifting ideas ....don't bother taking the effort,coz cash will be equally appreciated.

after all it's the thought that counts :)

Cheers!

diet another day! (अब हिन्दी में) अपने नजदीकी सिनेमा घर में .

as one grows older,it becomes more and more difficult to lose weight...becoz by then ure body and ure fat are pretty good friends. So yes we try and try....but nuthn major really comes out of it.(atleast most of the time with most of the ppl..Mostly) . the worst part is wen u go to a doctor.any doctor.for any problem. "now u must lose some weight" will definitely be a part of his post prescription advice.

So basically ill be telling the doc…“I’ve been having this real bad headache… mostly at night” and he’d be like “yes I’ll give you a three day course” …oh but you must lose some weight J… Or like “doc I have this tooth that needs to be extracted…” and he’ll go like “ill take you’re x-rays and we’ll see wat we can do… looks like you’ve put on weight na? hmmm u must do something, its not good” :~) and then ill be going like “doc I think I’m putting on weight… what do u think I should do?? And he’ll go “not at all…in fact, you look fine!” anyways that’s how it is…
Then we go through every diet that we hear about…the Atkins diet… The Carb Curfew diet …the General Motors diet…The Only Watermelon diet…The Only Seafood diet… we religiously eat soy, replace paneer with tofu, stay off alcohol, torturing ourselves to the very limit…a couple of days go by… And then a very close friend is getting married!!! Yay!!! Party time!!! Full on party scene… Youngster’s night... Dance practice… Kebabs… Daaru-shaaru… Sangeet …. Bam! You’re fatter than before u started!
So basically I believe in moderation now.

Pros and cons of dieting ............................
Pros -
1) You might lose weight temporarily
Cons -
1) Life is shit
2) You think about bread more than u can possibly imagine
3) You catch yourself staring at other peoples plates next to you.
4) Butter chicken is a part of your dreams in some way or the other.
5) Caffeine intake doubles.
6) You’re not a very pleasant person to be around.
7) You start buying food products that are over-priced (organic you know)
Just to list a few from the top of my head.
So…screw that shit and pass me the parathas…

Conclusion-

LIVE FREE OR…DIET HARD!

And remember:"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO! What a Ride"

Disclaimer:- this is a work of fiction and no person living or dead should take this seriously or derive any advice from the matter written about.It is purely for entertainment purposes only.

Or not.

refer to post titled "happy bday to me!"

her real name is wandee....he he
she told me..
he he
i dunno y thts funny.not funny jus a lil tickly.
ok i shud go now.

Happy bday to me!

its my day off...im lying dwn in a dimly lit room,with white colored walls,perfect temperature,soft soothing instrumental music playing and a pair of soft but yet strong hands of a woman called amy(name changed) on my legs. shes dressed in white and has a sweet smile.
i have one hour .......this was the most relaxing one hour of the week.and i wud like to publicly thank my wife for it.



.......>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>!!!wo!!!wait a min...dont you go get any wrong ideas in ure dirty minds...it was a one hour HOT STONE foot massage session booked by her for me at this spa.
anyways the point is i definitely recommend it to relax and unwind on any given day.
the spa i visited is called Tahaa located at nepeansea rd.not too expi and quite a nice experience.
Thats All.

QUOTE FRM SNATCH...

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joke

how do you tell a rose to go to the moon?





thinking?





thats a gud sign ....









i guess ure bored or y else wud u be here....









so its nt like its a waste of ure time or anythng... :P









answer:- GULAB JAmoon.....









(uncontrollable laughter)





disclaimer:- this blog is meant for very private circulation only.Any person who doesn't knw me really well pls reserve your opinions abt my jokes.ive had better days.

quote

The TRuth can be Adjusted

tele pati

ive reached a stage in life when the television forms an integral part of

my being...having said tht i must also add tht my overall threshold for boredom

has gone up considerably...inspite of that there are times when i JUS CANT TAKE THIS SHIT no more!!!!! i wanna yell pull out my hair and make annoying gurgling sounds with my throat so tht i am a lil entertained...mildly amused so tht i can take my focus away frm the crap tht comes on tv.

kyunki chhaas bhi kabhie dahi theeee...

y do all these stupid channels have dyslexic ppl wrkn for them...all "k"s seem to be repeated,

vowels are used generously and all the scenes and sets and sounds look the same! duh...

even surfing with the volume on is irritating cuz u are most likely to come across a deafening chorus of "aaaaaaa aaaaaa aaaaaa" if u knw wat i mean.

screw tht even ad campaigns are losing the plot!

have u seen tht ad which starts with "kick mein aapki...." metlife.....i wud never buy a policy jus cuz of tht stupid jingle

"na sar jhuka ke kijo....HDFC bk where all these characters have a chronic spine condition 4 wich they dont and cant bend

munna ko mania hui gayaa re????? wat the f$#@ is tht? (the noodle brand)

and the constant hammering of mundane useless annoyingly shallow and worthless

gossip tht is knwn as "BREAKING NEWS!"

kareena gets a love bite(besides her bare bak there was nuthn worth seeing )

rakhi sawant definitely is the most news worthy person according to them...

and wat is with channels like india tv....somebody pls tell them we get the point even if the news isnt repeated a gazillion times in one day!

anyways i can go on cuz i have visibly and evidently been very affected by this...according

to my counsellor i shudnt talk abt it too much.

the positive outcome of all of this is tht my social life stands a chance now and my wife does respond to

me wen i spk to her or ask her anythng...so life is good!!! chow

stuck in a moment

i'm not afraid of AnYthing iN this woRld ... . .

there's nUth'n U caN thRow at me that I haVe'nt alReady hearD ... . .

i'm Jus tryin tO find a deCent meLody ... . .

a sOng that I caN sinG in my oWn company... . .

i never thoT u were a fool...but darlin look at youu... . .

u gotta stand up straight...cArry ure oWn weight... . .

these tears are goin nowhere ... . .

Uve got to Get Ureself 2gether u've gt stuck in a moment Now u cant get out of it...

dont say tht later will be better, now ure stuck in a moment & u cant get out of it...