Worst opening lines!

the "art" of good writing ,by description is hard to define as there are no set rules for ART...there are no limitations or parameters or even logic that can be applied to it...it's a point of view,or the writer's imagery that may or may not move you...well here are a few opening lines that definitely will:-

(1) "As a scientist,Throckmortan knew that if he were ever to break wind in the sound chamber he would never hear the end of it">>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

(2)"Just beyond the Narrows the river widens">>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

(3)"With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied,a tanned unblemished oval face framed with lustreous thick brown hair ,deep azure blue eyes fringed with long black lashes,perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description.">>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

(4)"Andre , a peasant , had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the east wall: "Andre creep...Andre creep... Andre creep.">>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

(5)"Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached,but then penguins often do.">>>>>>>>

(6)"Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who din't know the meaning of the word "fear",a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death--in short , a moron with suicidal tendencies.">>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

the penguin one is my favourite!!!

bittersweet symphony that's life...

Hospitals generally make you superstitious and really thankful

...thankful for little things,basic stuff that one usually takes for granted. things like being able to go take a piss without anyone's assistance or the freedom to choose what you'd like to eat for dinner! Based on my minor stint at the hospital (a one night half day package that included early morning tea, breakfast and a surgery) i came to realise that i got paranoid and superstitious just being in that atmosphere. every ward boy and lady who walks in and out of your room is very courteous and extra sweet and i wanted to tip each and every one of them,just so that they would'nt curse me in case i din't...The other thing that happens when you're in the hospital is that you start thinking of everything that you knew that you should have been doing but din't get around to actually doing them...and how you swear that you would do them from the minute you step out of there...stop drinking,smoking start working out etc..

Having said that i'm really happy and grateful that i'm out of there and everyone of you should put health on your priority list starting today!

ciao.

every glass is special!

Amar,Akbar,Anthony,Pestonjee and ME

today can aptly be called the "amar,akbar,anthony day!"

its a day when we celebrate Holi,Id and Good Friday!

quite a rare coincidence...and to top that its also Navroz!

as if that were'nt enough it also happens to be the day I was born!!!

so please feel free to leave your best wishes...............credit/debit card numbers....

and if you need gifting ideas ....don't bother taking the effort,coz cash will be equally appreciated.

after all it's the thought that counts :)

Cheers!

diet another day! (अब हिन्दी में) अपने नजदीकी सिनेमा घर में .

as one grows older,it becomes more and more difficult to lose weight...becoz by then ure body and ure fat are pretty good friends. So yes we try and try....but nuthn major really comes out of it.(atleast most of the time with most of the ppl..Mostly) . the worst part is wen u go to a doctor.any doctor.for any problem. "now u must lose some weight" will definitely be a part of his post prescription advice.

So basically ill be telling the doc…“I’ve been having this real bad headache… mostly at night” and he’d be like “yes I’ll give you a three day course” …oh but you must lose some weight J… Or like “doc I have this tooth that needs to be extracted…” and he’ll go like “ill take you’re x-rays and we’ll see wat we can do… looks like you’ve put on weight na? hmmm u must do something, its not good” :~) and then ill be going like “doc I think I’m putting on weight… what do u think I should do?? And he’ll go “not at all…in fact, you look fine!” anyways that’s how it is…
Then we go through every diet that we hear about…the Atkins diet… The Carb Curfew diet …the General Motors diet…The Only Watermelon diet…The Only Seafood diet… we religiously eat soy, replace paneer with tofu, stay off alcohol, torturing ourselves to the very limit…a couple of days go by… And then a very close friend is getting married!!! Yay!!! Party time!!! Full on party scene… Youngster’s night... Dance practice… Kebabs… Daaru-shaaru… Sangeet …. Bam! You’re fatter than before u started!
So basically I believe in moderation now.

Pros and cons of dieting ............................
Pros -
1) You might lose weight temporarily
Cons -
1) Life is shit
2) You think about bread more than u can possibly imagine
3) You catch yourself staring at other peoples plates next to you.
4) Butter chicken is a part of your dreams in some way or the other.
5) Caffeine intake doubles.
6) You’re not a very pleasant person to be around.
7) You start buying food products that are over-priced (organic you know)
Just to list a few from the top of my head.
So…screw that shit and pass me the parathas…

Conclusion-

LIVE FREE OR…DIET HARD!

And remember:"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO! What a Ride"

Disclaimer:- this is a work of fiction and no person living or dead should take this seriously or derive any advice from the matter written about.It is purely for entertainment purposes only.

Or not.

refer to post titled "happy bday to me!"

her real name is wandee....he he
she told me..
he he
i dunno y thts funny.not funny jus a lil tickly.
ok i shud go now.

Happy bday to me!

its my day off...im lying dwn in a dimly lit room,with white colored walls,perfect temperature,soft soothing instrumental music playing and a pair of soft but yet strong hands of a woman called amy(name changed) on my legs. shes dressed in white and has a sweet smile.
i have one hour .......this was the most relaxing one hour of the week.and i wud like to publicly thank my wife for it.



.......>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>!!!wo!!!wait a min...dont you go get any wrong ideas in ure dirty minds...it was a one hour HOT STONE foot massage session booked by her for me at this spa.
anyways the point is i definitely recommend it to relax and unwind on any given day.
the spa i visited is called Tahaa located at nepeansea rd.not too expi and quite a nice experience.
Thats All.

QUOTE FRM SNATCH...

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joke

how do you tell a rose to go to the moon?





thinking?





thats a gud sign ....









i guess ure bored or y else wud u be here....









so its nt like its a waste of ure time or anythng... :P









answer:- GULAB JAmoon.....









(uncontrollable laughter)





disclaimer:- this blog is meant for very private circulation only.Any person who doesn't knw me really well pls reserve your opinions abt my jokes.ive had better days.

quote

The TRuth can be Adjusted

tele pati

ive reached a stage in life when the television forms an integral part of

my being...having said tht i must also add tht my overall threshold for boredom

has gone up considerably...inspite of that there are times when i JUS CANT TAKE THIS SHIT no more!!!!! i wanna yell pull out my hair and make annoying gurgling sounds with my throat so tht i am a lil entertained...mildly amused so tht i can take my focus away frm the crap tht comes on tv.

kyunki chhaas bhi kabhie dahi theeee...

y do all these stupid channels have dyslexic ppl wrkn for them...all "k"s seem to be repeated,

vowels are used generously and all the scenes and sets and sounds look the same! duh...

even surfing with the volume on is irritating cuz u are most likely to come across a deafening chorus of "aaaaaaa aaaaaa aaaaaa" if u knw wat i mean.

screw tht even ad campaigns are losing the plot!

have u seen tht ad which starts with "kick mein aapki...." metlife.....i wud never buy a policy jus cuz of tht stupid jingle

"na sar jhuka ke kijo....HDFC bk where all these characters have a chronic spine condition 4 wich they dont and cant bend

munna ko mania hui gayaa re????? wat the f$#@ is tht? (the noodle brand)

and the constant hammering of mundane useless annoyingly shallow and worthless

gossip tht is knwn as "BREAKING NEWS!"

kareena gets a love bite(besides her bare bak there was nuthn worth seeing )

rakhi sawant definitely is the most news worthy person according to them...

and wat is with channels like india tv....somebody pls tell them we get the point even if the news isnt repeated a gazillion times in one day!

anyways i can go on cuz i have visibly and evidently been very affected by this...according

to my counsellor i shudnt talk abt it too much.

the positive outcome of all of this is tht my social life stands a chance now and my wife does respond to

me wen i spk to her or ask her anythng...so life is good!!! chow

stuck in a moment

i'm not afraid of AnYthing iN this woRld ... . .

there's nUth'n U caN thRow at me that I haVe'nt alReady hearD ... . .

i'm Jus tryin tO find a deCent meLody ... . .

a sOng that I caN sinG in my oWn company... . .

i never thoT u were a fool...but darlin look at youu... . .

u gotta stand up straight...cArry ure oWn weight... . .

these tears are goin nowhere ... . .

Uve got to Get Ureself 2gether u've gt stuck in a moment Now u cant get out of it...

dont say tht later will be better, now ure stuck in a moment & u cant get out of it...