“only unfulfilled love can be romantic…” or so they say. They being woody allen, through his film Vicki Christina Barcelona. Well in my case the unfulfilled love is the goal of losing weight! And in a strange way it is romantic. I’m almost in love with the idea of losing weight. In fact I’m so in love with the idea of losing weight that I sub-consciously don’t wanna lose it! because then I’d just be another regular fit looking guy with no real romance left in my life!
I hate shopping. But shopping with me is a breeze. I breeze in ask for my size they say it’s not available I breeze out! In fact I can go through malls with record speed. (application sent to the HQ of Limca Book of World Records, but the mail was returned as the address could not be found!)
Well speaking of Vicki Christina Barcelona… that would be any man’s ideal life!
Living with two gorgeous women… both of whom love the man and also love each other. How lovely.
Anyways getting back to a more realistic world, have you been to any shaadi lately?
I mean the kind where you have to go and not really wanna go to? A shaadi where you will be re-introduced to a whole bunch of relatives you have no memory of? And are pretty sure you won’t remember them even after this re-introduction! As all these thoughts were filling my mind an aunty came up to me and said “hi!! Remember me??” And my normal response to such situations is to wear a smile to disguise my puzzled expression and nod saying “yes yes ofcourse aunty I do…how are you doing??”
Earlier I used to even add “how’s uncle doing?” But given the divorce rate nowadays I refrain from that one! And I substitute it with “How’s everything? You look lovely!”
Much less intrusive I’d say.
But why do people do that? Why do they expect you to remember them? or is it just a conversation starter for the socially challenged? And what if you’d actually say yes I do remember you, you’re the aunty who had too much to drink at the last wedding party when we met last, 8 years ago! Is that gonna make her feel better??
So once you’re past these tiny hurdles of fake smiles and air kisses, comes the dinner BUFFET! I have buffet in caps cos it’s a very important part of all Indian wedding functions. Ofcourse before going to any shaadi I always say to myself “Charan.. you are a strong person, you will not get tempted, thou shall not give in… even if they are serving pav bhaji on monica belluci’s stomach!” And so with this strong resolve I approach the Buffet.
At first it’s ok I’m saying to myself that it’s no biggie I can always just stick to the salad counter. That’s pretty harmless. So I serve myself some greens and walk past all the paneer masala, kulcha, tawa vegetables, live pasta counter, dal, jeera rice, sarson ka saag, dahi wadas, papads….and go and sit in one corner to enjoy my greens… as I begin my culinary escapade into a heap of lettuce I sense activity behind me. There is a “non-veg” section. Dan tenan…..tenaan tenan……tenenAaoo! At first I try to ignore it but then soon enough I fool myself into believing that my resolve is unshakeable. Then what follows is the inevitable.
It always starts with tasting and ends with dabaaoing! And after all that dabaaoing there isn’t much wisdom in skipping desserts ;-)
After all “ek khoon ki sazaa bhi phaansi hai aur sau khoon ki sazaa bhi phaansi hai!”
Ha ha ha meelaard! maine yeh jurm kiya hai!
As a child, I used to look at naseeruddin shah in Jalwa or sunny deol in movies like Samundar and Ghayal and feel that that’s how I’m gonna build my physique when I grow up….And now that I’m grown up I can only identify with the guy who appears in adverts of nutralite butter and saffola cooking oil! Good for your heart, Zero cholesterol* advisable for over weight, compulsive men who dream about food and are often married to good looking women who are very concerned about their husbands! (that’s such a cliché) ………………..(on second thoughts … I am married to a good looking woman who is indeed concerned!)
I learn something new everyday.
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